MARRIED? Never, ever make these mistakes
HAVING a master’s degree, speaking proper English or being extremely beautiful are not necessarily qualities that will keep a husband happy. In fact, nine out of 10 men polled by All Woman confessed that a woman’s brain power comes second to her desirability when it comes to keeping them interested.
And as family counsellor David Anderson said, “for women beauty fades, smarts is forever; for men beauty goes, he runs for another.”
“Don’t ever fall for the misconceived belief that you can settle into ‘housewife mode’ after marriage because you already have the man,” Anderson, recently married, warned. “I can tell you that from the Christian to the pauper; from the rich man to the professor, they want one thing — desirability. All else is secondary.”
So, are you one of those women who has become complacent in marriage? Are thongs now your enemy, hair rollers and old T-shirts at nights your friend; and are you comfortable enough to have a conversation with him while doing your business in the bathroom? “Stop it now,” Anderson warned. And…
1. Do maintain your appearance.
Do remain physically attractive. Remain pretty for him. Change your clothes often and do change your hairstyle once in a while to keep him from getting bored with you. Your nails should be well kept. Don’t think he loves you unconditionally and that now that you are married you have him in the palm of your hands and use that as an excuse to eat loads of donuts and gain excess pounds. He won’t love you for you, if you blossom into someone he doesn’t recognise.
2. Don’t use sex as a weapon.
Some wives take great pleasure in doing this. If their demands are not met, or if their husbands upset them in any way, there will be no bedroom fun for days or even weeks! Ladies, learn to have a little mercy on your other half and do not deny him his sexual privileges or he’ll seek them elsewhere.
3. Don’t play Nancy Drew with him.
Ladies, give your man his privacy. Breaking into your husband’s Facebook or Myspace account is not acceptable. He’ll feel jailed if you’re always on his case about everything. And like all jailbirds, he’ll feel the urge to flee.
4. Be discreet.
It’s not ladylike to fart or burp in the presence of your husband, even accidentally. Passing gas is a male pastime, something seemingly innocent to men, and men alone. To your husband it may be extremely funny when he does it but will seem disgusting and could be a major turnoff when it is done by you.
5. Do be his mistress in bed.
Bingo bags and ‘parachute’ panties are forbidden not only in the bedroom but during marriage. So are rollers, unsexy nightgowns and castor oil-aroma skin. Instead opt for sexy lingerie and a little Victoria’s Secret fragrance. Never fail to try new tricks in the bedroom. Be his mistress. In other words, be a lady on the streets and a freak beneath the sheets.
6. Do not use silence as a weapon.
It is often said that some things are better left unsaid, but silence can also be a deadly weapon which can kill your marriage. This is a form of emotional banishment and some ladies sometimes use this as a way of cutting off their partners for days or even weeks when conflicts arise. Wives, refusing to acknowledge your husbands’ existence has no place in your marriage. This will only send him sprinting away from the marriage. Instead, think of a more suitable way to express resentment so that the problems may be heard, acknowledged and resolved.
7. Don’t pluck, shave or use Nair in front of him.
Some personal activities and items should just not be seen by your husband. These include the plucking of your eyebrows, chin and other hairy body parts. Sleeping with a facial mask on is prohibited. Using the toilet in his plain view will disgust him. Slathering on Nair to get rid of your moustache will weird him out. Discussions about your period should be reserved for the girls. Reserve some amount of mystique with him. Once the mystery goes, so does the interest.
8. Don’t be too spiritual
Of course, acknowledgement of God is extremely important but do not be quick to judge and quote a verse from the Bible every time he messes up. Never behave as if you are the spiritual guru who is always saving the marriage and your family from the wrath of God. Also, never force religion on your husband and constantly threaten that if he does not baptised and accept the Lord as his personal saviour you are going to file for divorce. Your husband has a mind of his own and in time he may accept or choose his form of religion.
9. Do respect yourself
Acknowledge your limitations on your time, energy and abilities. Give what you can to your husband, but do take care of yourself too. And, by all means, never tolerate being abused, raged at, betrayed, or manipulated. Those behaviour patterns should never, ever be acceptable in your marriage even if it is once and he promises under oath not to repeat his actions. If you do, he will indeed lose respect for you.
