The battle against cancer is a family affair

A cancer diagnosis can affect everyone in the family and change up the routine the family has grown accustomed to as a unit. It can result in fear, anger, grief and helplessness as it catapults everyone on a journey that is for the most part unknown.

But with everyone playing their part, the prognosis doesn’t have to be as hopeless as it might seem at just a glance. Everyone can play a role in getting their loved ones to be victorious as they try to reconstruct the semblance of a normal life following that most dreadful declaration from their doctor.

“The more support you have, the better you feel. It is always encouraging to know that everybody cares,” explained Elite Sellars-Wright, who chairs the volunteer group for breast cancer survivors, Reach to Recovery.

She was keen to point out that while the profile for breast cancer survivors differed in the sense that some are young while some are old and some are married while others are single, it is important that those involved in their lives play a part to aid their quick recovery.

No matter what your connection to a survivor is, there is something you can do. Here are our suggestions for family members.

Spouse/significant other

1. Give a listening ear. After a diagnosis, a cancer survivor will probably need someone to talk to as they voice their fears. Be sure to provide a listening ear to your spouse and in the process try not to be judgemental or trivialise the issue.

2. Go along to doctors’ appointments. Your wife will probably have a number of treatment sessions to attend following her diagnosis. Be there to hold her hands, offer comforting words and ask questions during each doctor’s visit. “It is always best to say that you will want to ask questions beforehand, because some people are very sensitive. So discuss before you go to the doctor what you are going to ask,” said Sellars-Wright.

3. Share the news with the children. Following the diagnosis, a cancer survivor might dread the whole idea of sharing the news with the children. You can help to organise a family meeting and explain to your children and family the news. “It is easier to tell children now than it was before, because they are more educated about the disease,” Sellars-Wright said.

4. Provide financial support. Cancer treatment can be expensive, but with you helping with the finances, it will allow your wife to have one less thing to worry about. Organise your insurance or fund-raising ventures to source money for hospital visits and treatment. “When it comes to radiotherapy it is about $1.6 million if you do it privately alone…” explained Sellars-Wright in pointing out just how expensive cancer treatment can be.

5. Liaise with friends on her behalf. After news spreads of your wife’s diagnosis, you are probably going to notice a lot more calls coming in to enquire after her health. You can help to filter these calls as well as home visits from those whose lives your wife has touched.

Siblings

1. Do grocery shopping. Some cancer survivors can be very self-conscious and might find staying home with family more comfortable than going to the supermarket. You can assist by doing grocery shopping so that there is always enough nutritious food on hand to eat.

2. Make a financial contribution. Whether you are the sister or the brother of a cancer survivor, you can help them to recover even faster by assisting with the funding for their treatment. You can either speak to your sister or her significant other to find out how you can help.

3. Organise doctors’ visits. If the family is large and consists of multiple older siblings, you can take turns getting your sister to her doctors’ appointments. That will allow her husband or significant other to focus on going to work to earn an income to finance her treatment, or to stay home and look after the children.

4. Source medication. Medication is essential for your sister’s treatment and you can assist by helping her to source them.

Parents

1. Make items to make her comfortable. Hair loss is oftentimes a symptom of chemotherapy, so if you are a mother and you are able to make wigs, you can make a special one for her. You can also make bedspreads and handkerchiefs which will come in handy.

2. Offer reassurance. Whether you are the father or the mother of a cancer survivor, you can remind them daily that they are beautiful. Offer reassurance of your love and support each and every day.

3. Take on some chores. You can help out with the cooking and cleaning so your daughter won’t feel overworked trying to get her household chores done. Every once in a while, visit her if she lives away from you and help with doing the laundry or preparing meals for her immediate family.

4. Care for her children. Your daughter will probably trust you more than anyone else to take care of her children while she is in the hospital or on bed rest. If you are in a position to stay over a couple times at her house to help take care of her children, then she will certainly benefit from that.

Children

1. Give less trouble. It is especially important that you be on your best behaviour while your mother is recuperating. Having to constantly plead with you to keep the place clean or do your homework or tidy your room can cause her undue stress.

2. Help with chores. Your mother might be advised to stay in bed more often during treatment and so you taking on chores without being begged to do so, can eliminate some of her stress.

3. Educate classmates about cancer. Organise cancer awareness meetings at your school with the permission of your teachers and principal, so that you can inform other children about cancer. With proper education, these children might be encouraged to show more sympathy to others living with the disease.

4. Make cards to cheer. Your mother could do well with customised cards which tell her how much you love and appreciate her.