Every breath you take, I’ll be watching you …

WE often hear horror stories of women being stalked by ex-lovers or men who have become not only infatuated, but obsessed with them. We have heard of women being stalked to the point where some have had to take out restraining orders against these men, unfortunately sometimes, to no avail. But while the above are well-known scenarios that happen over the world, less attention is paid when it’s the men who are stalked.

In fact, stories have been told of men being laughed at when they tried to report stalking, much like the ridicule some get when they try to report domestic abuse.

Detective Sergeant Hemford Wade from the Centre for the Investigation of Sexual Offences and Child Abuse said most cases of stalking he has seen involved an ex-boyfriend trying to get back with his partner, or a man stalking a woman he has become smitten with. There are not many reports of men being stalked, but either way, he said, “it is a quite frightening experience most of the time”.

He added too that there is no legislation in place in Jamaica to address stalking, and there is very little the security forces can do.

Anthony Stewart’s stalking ended with the intervention of the police, after his ex-girlfriend concocted elaborate stories to try to win him back, and when she didn’t, started spreading lies that he had given her an STD — and a baby.

He said they dated for about two months before he broke things off, and that’s when his problems started.

“It’s like she didn’t get the picture. She would call me 24/7. She kept sending me e-mails and text messages and just pretended as if we were still a couple.”

Stewart said while he kept refusing most of her calls, he did not know the extent she would go until one day while at work she called and told him that her mother had died.

“She sounded really sad and told me that she wanted me to come over to keep her company as she was very depressed. I felt sorry for her and told her I would. But that evening when I got there she did not look and sound like someone who was grieving. But I overlooked this, telling myself that persons dealt with pain differently. Almost immediately she told me she wanted to get intimate because she was depressed.

“I gave in and by the time I got home she called and told me that her mother had not died as she had thought…”

He said about a month later she again called him and told him that her brother was dead and once again wanted his company.

When he got there she made similar request.

“She said ‘do you remember when I thought my mother had died and we got intimate and how it helped me? Well can we do that again ’cause I am very depressed’. This time I was determined that I was not going to do it.

He said when he made a visit to her bathroom, she searched his phone and copied all his numbers. Later, she started calling all the women in his contacts, threatening them. She zoomed in on his son’s mother, calling her non-stop and at all hours of night.

“That’s when I became convinced this girl was crazy!” he said. “I remember after she got hold of the numbers in my phone, I was home in bed with my new girlfriend when her phone started ringing. Each time she answered it the person would not say anything. This was about three in the morning.”

A few hours later there was loud banging on the door and when he went to look it was his ex.

After noticing a pair of female slippers at his front door, the ex (who’s white) called the police and told them that she was just assaulted by a black man. In less then 10 minutes they were there. However, the police ended up escorting her off his property.

“When she realised that she could not have me she started spreading rumours to my friends that I gave her a disease. That was so embarrassing! I went to the doctor immediately and did every test imaginable just to clear my own conscience.”

When those did not push him back into her arms, he said she showed up at his doorstep with a box of jewellery which she told him cost CD $5,000. It was the police who later handed the jewellery back over to her.

Her calls were not limited to his female friends, as she also started calling his brother and best friend, telling them that she was pregnant.

She told them “little Anthony” was on the way. During the period she was allegedly pregnant, he said he never saw her, even after calling her and making arrangements to meet with her. In May this year she posted a picture of a baby on his Facebook page, telling him it was his son.

“She is white and I am black but the baby was clearly fully black — I mean darker than me,” he said. “Plus the picture that I saw looked like a toddler.”

He said while she is no longer living at the address he knew, he intends to find her new address, pop up at her door and find out for himself if she really has his child.

“This girl is still going around telling people she has my child and I need to know one way or the other.”

Psychiatrist Dr Anthony Allen explained that stalking can be linked to a psychosis like paranoid schizophrenia, or might be due to a very insecure personality.

“To a rational mind, it’s really difficult to fathom why they would choose that person as a target. But in the mind of someone who is psychotic or extremely insecure, who lives in a fantasy world, they may view you in such a warped or unrealistic way,” he said.

“It can be dangerous because it can go to the extent where because the person is so insecure, and especially if they are psychotic, they may be vulnerable to feeling extreme rage if they are rejected. In their desire to be with the person, sometimes even to possess the person in an irrational way, they may escalate their efforts at stalking and if they are further rejected they may unleash their anger and rage on the victim, so the person has to be very security conscious,” he said.

He said even if it does not get to the level of physical harm, the psychological impact caused can be just as unpleasant, as it was for Stewart.