‘Menopause destroyed my marriage’

WHILE some people believe that life begins at 40, and that 50 is the new 35, it was not so for 54-year-old Gloria*. She confessed that, unlike many other women who experienced decreased sex after a certain age, her libido was so intense after age 44 that her husband, who was nearing his 60s, could no longer satisfy her and she began looking outside of her marriage.

“I don’t believe people know the real effects of menopause, because menopause mash up my marriage after 31 years,” the Westmoreland woman told All Woman.

“I just got up one day and walked out of my marriage and left my husband because I was not getting enough sex…and it began to cause serious arguments because he wasn’t able to cope with it,” Gloria explained. “Sometimes I would sit and just start tearing out my hair. I felt like I was going to go mad and my heart would start beating fast.”

Gloria said when she finally visited her doctor, was told it was because she she was going through menopause.

“I did not know menopause was so bad. And I don’t think a lot of people know either, because it affects women in different ways from what I understand,” she said. “I have a friend whose husband can’t put his hand on her ’cause she don’t want no sex. But I am the opposite.”

Decreased sex drive is common in menopausal women which is caused by declining oestrogen production and the consequent thinning and the drying out of the vaginal walls. This means that less mucus is secreted to moisten the vagina and offer lubrication during sexual intercourse.

“As a result of the dryness of the vagina, sex becomes uncomfortable, maybe painful. The vagina bruises easily and there may be a little spotting during intercourse,” explained obstetrician/gynaecologist Dr Douglas McDonald.

A drop in oestrogen levels also causes the vagina to become thinner and less elastic and leads to other symptoms common in menopausal women, such as hot flashes, irregular or no periods, mood swings and, in some cases, facial hair.

While some women get treated with topical oestrogen therapy, hormone replacement therapy (HRT) has proven to be most effective because it gets the most hormones into the bloodstream. However, it could lead to other problems in women such as breast tenderness and vaginal bleeding.

“If you really want to restore the integrity of the vagina, it is best to use the topical hormonal cream rather than the hormonal intake,” said Dr McDonald.

In addition to HRT, regular exercise, low-dose aspirin, and pressure-lowering medications are recommended as a course of treatment for dealing with menopause.

A 2002 Women’s Health Initiative survey, which examined over 300,000 women on HRT, found that it reduced hot flashes by 77 per cent, night-sweating by 71 per cent, reduced diabetes risk by 21 per cent, and also decreased the risk of contracting colon cancer.

For 51-year-old Irene J, she has not had a good night’s sleep for over a year. She noted that she is always so hot that the usual home remedy of dousing herself with ice-cold water does not work. She admitted to being depressed all the time and has become withdrawn from others.

“I feel cross almost all the time, and am really glad I am living alone,” Irene told All Woman. “I just don’t want to deal with anyone. Sometimes I feel so depressed that I just feel life is not worth living.”

She admits to being on medication prescribed by her doctor, but said they seem to have little or no effect.

Menopause can occur in women as early as age 40, but the average age is believed to be in the early 50s.