Signs the honeymoon is over
THE honeymoon period, whether in a marriage or other long-term relationship, is those first few months when both parties are performing at their best in order to impress their partners. It’s the time of candlelit expensive dinners and impromptu trips to the North Coast; the time for singing sonnets and couples’ pedicures; the time when things are so good that there’s little time for anything or anyone else.
Some experts say this period lasts mere months, others will hedge their bets on a few years, after which reality will set in. And then it’s either sink or swim for the couple who will now be faced with living life with the rose-coloured glasses off.
How do you know the honeymoon period of your relationship is over?
1. You catch him browsing Ashleymadison.com
This is a dating site for married people who want to meet others to have affairs. Life is short, have an affair, is the site’s tagline, and with thousands of members, it’s a raging success. If you catch your man or woman browsing this site, then the honeymoon is long over.
2. He says what he really feels about your mother
When your mate starts expressing his true feelings about your overbearing family –including your crazy uncle or your wannabe entertainer brother who is always hitting you up for money, it means they’re over the niceties. Now that they no longer have to impress you, the truth of their feelings will come out, and sometimes the truth can be nasty, brutal and terrible to hear.
3. The sex isn’t the same
So he used to come home every Friday with something new to try from the fetish store, now all he comes home with is breath smelling like booze from his after work lyme at the bar, which is for him and his buddies only. Once some time has passed the sex will get monotonous, and keeping the spice will take work which your mate will sometimes not be in the mood to tackle.
4. Letting it all hang out
You may have dated her for years before marriage, she may have spent many nights at your house, but you didn’t know she could pass gas or even burp, because she was a lady with all-girls’ school breeding who would never do those things around others. When she starts letting it rip, or leaving the bathroom door open while she’s doing her business to maintain the debate you’re having about the merits of garlic butter spread, then you know the honeymoon’s over, and this is real life.
5. No spontaneity
At one time you would brag to your mates about the naughty texts you’d receive at work during the day, or the letters she would leave in your suitcase for you to find when you unpacked on your business trip. Your WhatsApp would ping all day at work, and there would be constant Facebook updates about her great guy. Nowadays the only texts you get are reminders to stop at the store to pick up diapers. Yup, honeymoon’s over.
6. The fights get real
Once upon a time when you had spats, you would apply the Dr Phil logic to work out your problems like you’ve seen couples do on TV. But no more. Nowadays the fights are more Jerry Springer-esque, and the make-up after the mash-up? That involves you sweating it out in the summer heat on the pleather couch while she enjoys the a/c in your bedroom.
7. She lets her crazy side show
Every woman has one, trust us. Whether you’re lucky enough to see it before you get tied down for ever and ever, or you experience it after signing your life away, it will emerge sooner or later. This is the kind of crazy who will threaten to pour hot oil in your ears, or who will stalk the co-worker you’ve got too close to in order to let her know in no uncertain terms who’s the wifey.
