Sorry, not sorry
POPULAR actress and model Amber Rose staged a SlutWalk on October 3 in Los Angeles to shine light on the causes of sexual injustice, victim blaming, derogatory labelling, and gender inequality. SlutWalks began globally in 2011 in response to a rude remark by a Toronto police officer who, after a torrent of sexual assaults on a university campus, said women should avoid dressing like sluts in order to not be victimised. Subsequently, women around the world took to the streets dressed in lingerie, skimpy clothing — some nude — to make the point that women should not be subject to sexual violence regardless of what they’re wearing.
Rose, a former exotic dancer who was married to famous rapper Wiz Khalifa and dated entertainer Kanye West, appeared at her sold-out walk wearing black lingerie, carrying a sign that said “Strippers have feelings too”. She got emotional while giving a speech, as she said she was very hurt when her ex-husband described her as a “stripper” in one of his post-split songs, and said she forgave West for saying he needed “30 showers” after being with her.
Meanwhile, on Twitter, the #amberroseslutwalk hashtag sent strong messages as users openly stated that the walk had empowered them to see that women’s bodies are theirs to control, and that society needed to stop shaming women for their bodies, their choices in clothing, and the choice of who they share their bodies with intimately.
Locally, the women below recall instances when they were made to feel cheap because of the way they dressed, their sexual history or their choice of partners, and how they managed to empower themselves afterwards.
Alison W:
I was 15 years old and my friend had a party, a pool party to be exact. She didn’t live that far from me, so I decided to walk to her home. Some men at one of my neighbour’s house were catcalling me. I ignored them, and one said, “That’s why man fi rape unnu, cause you come out in you shorts a look man and not answering when you get the attention.” At the time I couldn’t enjoy the party because I felt like I had caused it on myself by dressing according to the theme of the party. But looking back, I’m no longer sorry. I went to a pool party; I just happened to come across some men with misconstrued thoughts and very sickening outlooks on life and women.
Anastasia T:
In my late teen years I went to church in a dress with my cleavage showing. An elder church sister said if girls like me continued to dress like skettels we would never get far in the church, and went on to say we have to keep the men guessing and not let them know all about us. I am flat chested, and frankly speaking, it was pure chest that was showing when she made the comment. I felt uncomfortable in my skin for about two months, because the clothes I had were sent from abroad and I really had no more so I wanted to go to church but was afraid of the demeaning comments they would make about me. Eventually I accepted that this was what I had, and I would not let my nice clothes go to waste because of someone with ancient ideals.
Tracey Y:
I went to a co-educational high school and in grade nine a teacher told me that I would be a high school drop-out for pregnancy, just because I had a boyfriend in sixth form at the time. I did not get pregnant and I didn’t have my first child until I got married, to the same sixth former. I didn’t stop dating him because of what the teacher said. Today, when I see that teacher, she only stares and says nothing.
Dianna G:
Before I became a Christian people in my community knew me to frequent dances and assumed I was promiscuous. Fact is I was not, but because of the lifestyle I led, it was easy to believe that was the case. I got saved at 23 years old and started dating the pastor’s son at age 25. It was pandemonium. People classed me as a whore, told him I was a prostitute, I had AIDS, some even asked him if it was a woman known to dress skimpily that he wanted to take to the altar. It was a blow and I started distancing myself. One day in church his father was preaching and said many Christians were hypocrites and act like they never sinned. He quoted 1 John 1:9 and 2 Corinthians 5:17 then repeated, ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone’ three times and that’s when they started weeping and people came up to me apologising. Today we have been married for 11 years and have two wonderful children. Everyone’s life is different and I’m not sorry about my past because it has shaped my future.
Karlene L:
There was a time I used to wear jeans to work a lot and the men on the property would always be calling to me. I complained to the HR department who stood by my side. What was funny was that another woman said it was my fault and if I didn’t wear such close-fitting clothes no one would harass me. I believe we should be free to wear whatever it is we want as long as it’s appropriate at the time, and not be harassed. If I’m at the beach I should be free to walk in my two piece and if my workplace is OK with jeans I should be free to wear them. I felt low at the time but I got over it.
Tonya F:
I wore a dress to church that had a V neck and some people thought it was too low. One woman came to me in front of a group of people and said I was a disgrace to God. But God gave me a party in the front and not the back so I have to embrace my big breasts. If people don’t like it, then don’t look.
