Romancing Miss Patterson
IT’S natural to have feelings for someone you spend most of your waking hours with, and this person may very well be your co-worker. But though an office romance may make Monday mornings better, the stresses of the day seem simple, and might be enough to keep you going in a humdrum working environment, it can have its fair share of disadvantages.
Just ask account executive Sean B, who propositioned his colleague a few years ago, and enjoyed two years of bliss, but hell thereafter.
“Miss Patterson, she was the most gorgeous woman at the office,” he shared. “It wasn’t just a fling between us; it was a full-fledged relationship in which I met her children and we planned to get married.”
But almost two years in, the interest waned on her part, and when she called him with the dreaded ‘we need to talk’ line, his world crumbled.
“She said she wasn’t feeling it anymore and wanted to move on, and encouraged me to resign as things would be awkward,” he said. “She was so cold and distant about it. To punish her, I must admit that I took it badly, and resorted to embarrassing things like telling other people at work about us even though she had sworn me to secrecy, and following her in my car. When I refused to leave the job, she went to HR and told them that I had coerced her, as her supervisor, into a relationship, and was abusive towards her. There was not much I could say to defend myself, as office relationships were against company policy. But when she turned on the waterworks at HR, she was seen as the victim, and I had to leave.”
Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell said a number of factors can contribute to the start of an office romance arrangement, as people spend an average of eight to 12 hours per day together, 40 to 60 hours per week, share similar interests, values, goals and objectives.
The office also provides an opportunity to observe the person’s behaviour/personality over a period of time, and this close social interaction can lead to close physical contact.
According to Powell, the upside of office romances include:
1. Happy workers who look forward to coming to work every day, even on weekends.
2. No issue with working overtime and much more is accomplished.
3. Good team spirit and you keep the love in the family.
4. You may just meet the love of your life and live happily ever after.
And the downside:
1. One or both persons lose focus and become distracted.
2. It causes discomfort to other employees, especially when there is an open display of affection, which may cause jealousy and insecurity to set in.
3. Claims of favouritism and discrimination.
4. Break-ups can be very stormy and embarrassing.
5. False allegations of sexual harassment can occur.
6. It may cause voluntary/involuntary separation from the job.
7. Complications may arise in the relationship where the woman gets pregnant, wife gets involved, or another co-worker is in love with the same person.
8. Shame and disgrace on one or both persons.
9. Most times the most powerful (boss) stays and the least powerful (secretary ) goes.
He encourages those participating in such unions to:
Don’t
1. Lose focus of your job responsibilities.
2. Compromise your standards or values.
3. Start the relationship if you know you can’t manage it. Like liquor, leave it alone if you know you can’t handle it.
4. Abandon/neglect your friends at work.
5. Kiss and tell.
Do
1. Keep it professional. Be a good actor or actress.
2. Be sensitive to your co-workers.
3. Avoid ugly confrontations with your lover.
4. Discuss terms and conditions of the relationship with your lover.
5. Be conscious of the fact that your lover has to interact with other colleagues at the workplace.
6. Be aware of the company’s rules regarding corporate affairs.
7. Maintain integrity and tact.
Moreso, Powell said to always remember the words of Mark Oldman, co-founder and director of Vault — that dating on the job is like eating at your desk: Invariably it is going to get messy.
