Relationship resolutions: 6 things you might want to think about

IT’S a new year and with it come relationship resolutions: very often, a resolve to find Mr or Ms Right or get married.

What we sometimes fail to realise in making these types of resolutions is that there are elements outside our control that affect these grand plans. Consequently, we place ourselves under unnecessary pressure and our emotions at risk to bring them to fruition.

Here are six things you might want to think about carefully before embarking upon that all-important mission to find someone this year, or get married.

1. Don’t give yourself an unrealistically short timeframe to find someone

Things done in a hurry rarely come off well. When you give yourself 12 months to find someone and get married, it’s quite possible that in your hurry you could choose someone who is simply not right for you. Although some people have met and married their soulmates within months, ‘puss and dog don’t have the same luck’. It is advisable to get to know the person you will be committing yourself to for the rest of your life.

2. Look beyond the wedding day celebration

Women, more than men, tend to daydream about their wedding day and the symbolism of a wedding ceremony. Often we think more about the magic of the wedding day than the realities we could possibly face after we say ‘I do’, questions such as, ‘Do I want to stick around and nurse this person if they develop a serious illness? Am I prepared to support this person financially should they be unable to work somewhere down the line? Do I want this person to manage my money and raise my children?’ Take some time to think about the things that might occur after the vows before you hurry to commit.

3. Not everything that glitters is gold

Anyone can concoct a story to impress someone they are seeking to get with, and men are pretty famous for telling women things that are far from the truth in an attempt to get with them. It’s up to a woman to be smart, discerning and not easily swayed by what she hears to avoid being played. A man can come into your life and say the right things you want to hear, but what is most important is for his actions to match his words. It might look good but it’s simply not what it appears to be, so take the time to get to know the person. Test to see that it’s real gold and not ‘wash over’ before you become legally tied to him.

4. Men know when you’re vulnerable and desperate

If you’re simply tired of being alone, and want to find a husband, be mindful that men can spot a vulnerable or desperate woman a mile away. A man who isn’t looking for a serious commitment is one of the biggest dangers for a vulnerable woman who is looking to find a husband. To avoid being played when you’re emotionally fragile, it’s best to work on yourself first before seeking a partner. Many women have fallen for men who noticed their vulnerability and moved in for the kill by pretending to genuinely care about them. Guard your heart.

5. Do your due diligence

Regardless of how exciting things are when you meet someone, don’t be too quick to believe everything you see or hear. Do your own investigations. Nothing is wrong with checking out someone whom you are considering as a life partner. A relationship is an investment and if you resolve to make a commitment in a short time, you might as well do the necessary checks to ensure your investment is worthwhile. Some people turn to the Internet to do their checks while others are hiring private investigators to check on the people they are seriously considering making a commitment to.

6. Be very careful with online dating

If you’re looking to find a partner through online dating sites, be very careful. Some people have met their partners online and their relationships have led to good marriages. Others have had horrible experiences, so take the time to check and double-check who it is that you are communicating with and whether they are being truthful about their relationship status. It is easy for someone in another country to tell you they are single when they really aren’t, so do your own checks to verify if they are who they say they are and whether they are in fact single.

Marie Berbick, aka The PR Girl, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.