Bedroom fails
THOSE viewing the final cut of the romance scenes in movies don’t necessarily understand the many takes and behind-the-scenes action necessary to get to that level of perfection. The same goes for romance novels, where the plot is many times purely the writer’s imagination, instead of based on tried and tested concepts. And so readers and viewers are often left disappointed when they seek to re-enact these scenes and something goes horribly wrong.
Below readers share their most catastrophic mistakes made trying to be sexy.
Caren:
Apart from the fact that I wet myself after the whip we decided to try came in contact with my skin, after I’d just said, ‘Is that all you got, daddy?’, when I went to the bathroom afterwards there was lipstick and black lip liner on my teeth. Then I remembered how I had talked dirty to him in an effort to get him to the bedroom. It just wasn’t my day, I guess.
Danielle:
I am not a heels person, but after three weeks of tutorials last year, I was putting on a special show for my husband and on the third step in my dance routine, in the middle of doing the hair flip I had been practising for so long, I tripped over myself and landed on my face. Though my husband was still very excited, I just couldn’t look at him for a while.
Richard:
My girl and I are always trying new things and we were trying this new video app IMO. I went in the shower and after a very heated and sexy shower session, she wanted more. I went to the fridge and my mother had used some syrup the week before on my sister’s brownies. I didn’t check the label because my mom usually gets lactose and peanut-free products, so I proceeded to lather my body with the contents of the syrup bottle and then I tried that sexy LL Cool J thing with my mouth and lips the way she liked it. But before long, my lips, mouth, face and other parts of my body were swollen, and I was passing gas, all caught on video.
Ria:
I was in my room in the middle of the night having phone sex with my girlfriend at the time. In the middle of it all, without knocking, my mom entered the room, scared, holding one of the old cricket bats made from coconut branch, ready to hit my attacker because she said she thought I was crying for help. In fact she said that I sounded like a ram goat in heat. All this happened while my girl was on the phone laughing hysterically, and while I tried to conceal my manhood while trying to calm my mom so she could leave.
Nordia:
My cat isn’t the most friendly cat, even to me, but apparently is very territorial nonetheless. He has this habit where he will use his paws to knead by back while I’m lying down. On the first night my boyfriend stayed over, the cat jumped on his back in the middle of us getting it on. My boyfriend was freaking out, but I assured him that the cat would probably just give him a massage. The cat waited until he relaxed, then clawed and hissed at him, leaving scratches all over his back. To this day they both don’t get along.
