What to do when your child throws a tantrum in public
A kicking, screaming child who refuses to yield to your attempts to calm him down in public, coupled with the additional stress of judgemental passers-by, is an ugly scene that no parent wants to contend with.
According to clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell, throwing tantrums in public is a phase that younger children go through, and a fit-throwing child is not necessarily a reflection of poor parenting skills. She said these embarrassing situations could slowly wane over time if parents were to investigate and try to understand the source of their children’s tantrums.
“It would be good to first understand the child’s tantrums. Is it part of a disorder or is it a child [who is] not getting his way and does not have the skills to adequately tell how he is feeling?”
She said while it would be ideal for the parents to first identify the source of the child’s trigger, if they come up empty-handed there are a number of strategies to be explored that could make the child calm down.
1. Ignore them
You could ignore the child until he/she calms down, then attend to the child when the tantrum ends. Dr Bell explained that ignoring him also sends a message that he will not be attended to when he behaves in that manner. Attending to the child only when he has calmed down would make him aware of his unreasonable behaviour, and would hopefully discourage further temper tantrums.
2. Give them space
Sometimes giving the child space to vent can also be an appropriate strategy. Dr Bell explained that when the child self-regulates or stops throwing the tantrum, then he should be attended to.
3. Discipline the child
Discipline the child without spanking, because spanking could exacerbate the situation. Instead, speak calmly to the child and explain why he cannot always get what he wants.
Dr Bell explained that in exceptional cases involving intense tantrums that could cause harm to themselves and others, children should be taken to a safe place where there is nothing that they can use to harm themselves or others.
She also advised parents against getting angry or frustrated because it may impair their judgement. She also sought to remind parents that as children mature they become better communicators, start engaging less aggressive ways of coping with stress, and become more understanding with the right guidance.
