How to share your sexual fantasies

SEX talk doesn’t come naturally to many people, and for them it can have serious implications for their relationships.DO:DON’T :

So you sit with your friends and you hear them talk about the excitement that heats up in their bedroom. Marcia speaks gleefully about her sex toys while Michael exclaims about the mind-blowing experience of oral sex, and as you listen, you reflect on the home front (pun intended), and you realise that your sex life is woefully lacking and you are missing out on some steamy bedroom action.

But though you want to try something new, you may refrain from sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner and settle for less than what you desire.

So how do you mention to your partner that you want to introduce something new in the bedroom without feeling afraid or bashful?

Wayne Powell, relationship counsellor, said it is not easy and in your state of shyness, the pressure is even more intense when your co- worker or close friend is prepared to offer you, at no charge, some of what you’re desiring but missing.

He said for some couples, talking about sex is taboo, and so the thought of introducing anything of a sexual nature will be cause for much suspicion.

He advised that you consider the following DOs and DON’Ts as you seek to introduce innovations in your lovemaking.

1. Choose the right time and place to discuss your ideas and suggestions.

2. Reassure and reaffirm your partner’s areas of strength in the intimate relationship.

3. Tell your partner that your intention is to enhance and improve the intimacy in the relationship.

4. Appreciate and accept that your partner may feel somewhat intimidated or threatened by the suggestion.

5. Understand that your partner may not be open to change and so may rebuff your advances.

6. Exercise tact and sensitivity in sharing your ideas and suggestions.

1. Give your partner a “do or die” ultimatum.

2. Yield to the temptation of getting sexual favours or service outside of the relationship.

3. Abuse your partner verbally or otherwise if he/she does not accede to your request.

4. Be hesitant to express your dissatisfaction and frustration with the sexual intimacy.

5. Share your sexual frustration with every member of the opposite sex you come in contact with. Some will make unwelcome offers that may complicate matters.

6. Demand compliance the change, instead make suggestions and apply gentle persuasion.

Additionally, it is important to be patient and give your partner time to think about your desires, especially if they are conservative. If your desire isn’t fulfilled right away, don’t take it as a no. If he or she is also shy, you can offer to teach them or offer more reasonable alternatives that would evoke the same satisfaction.