Logging on to love: the pros and cons of online dating
FIVE or 10 years ago, anyone who told you they were on a dating website would probably be regarded as weird because of the stigma that was attached to online dating. Today, new research is showing that online dating is now the second most popular way of meeting someone, and the stigma that was attached to the idea of seeking a mate online is fast disappearing.
Jamaicans are logging on to love, with more and more singles, and even those who are attached, utilising social media and dating websites to find mates. Some are free while others require a fee to join, but more people are utilising normal social media sites such as
Facebook and even the professional social media networkLinked-In to find someone special.
While online dating is a very convenient way of meeting a potential mate, there are also pitfalls attached to this exciting journey.
Here are a few:
1. Not everybody is looking for a committed relationship
Look out for the players, both men and women. Despite what they say about wanting a relationship, sometimes you can tell from their profile statement that they are simply looking for a fling rather than a serious relationship. Listen keenly to what is not said. If their relationship status says “complicated”, that’s a good enough reason to take your time and ask some probing questions when first contact is established.
2. The person you meet online might be a very different person when you actually meet
Personality is important in determining if two people are good for each other. Online dating allows a lot of people to hide behind a keyboard, create a fake persona, and convince another person that they are someone they are not. Some are shy people who come alive once you are not physically seeing them. Try to meet the person as early as possible so that you can sum them up properly in different situations lest you end up wasting your time talking to a recluse for months and end up being disappointed when you actually meet.
3. Beware of fake and outdated photos
3. Beware of fake and outdated photos
One of the biggest disappointments for some people who try online dating occurs when the handsome man or beautiful woman they believe they had been talking to turns out to be anything but. Some people outrightly deceive with fake photos or utilise photos of themselves from their ‘glory’ days which may have passed long ago. This is why a lot of people now prefer to video talk when they meet someone online as they want to see who they are talking to.
4. Married people and people with live-in partners are on dating websites posing as singles
4. Married people and people with live-in partners are on dating websites posing as singles
Married and committed people, some of whom are bored, sad or just bad, are on dating websites too. Their status might say ‘single’ when they are very much married or living with their spouses. Guard your heart when trying online dating. Avoid becoming too emotionally attached to someone you’ve only talked with online and are yet to meet in person. Sometimes these people are simply going through a lull in their relationships or marriages and want to be reassured that they still ‘have it’, so online dating is a perfect way to get validation without their spouses ever finding out about their infidelity.
5. Find out as much as you can as early as possible
5. Find out as much as you can as early as possible
When you meet someone on a dating website, try to find out as much as you can about them off that site.
Google them, ask to be friends onFacebook, so that you can see who their ‘friends’ are. Do not limit your communication to the dating website only. Get their mobile number and other contact information, and purposefully initiate communication at different times of the day to see whether they have a pattern that suggests they could be married or living with someone. Don’t feel guilty about checking out people you’ve met online, because it is quite likely that they are also running background checks on you. There are locally based private investigators whose services have been requested by people overseas to run checks on Jamaicans they have met online. Doing the early detective work can save you from major heartbreak later.
6. Long-distance relationships require commitment and lots of work
6. Long-distance relationships require commitment and lots of work
Some people who live far apart have met online, had successful courtships despite the distance, and ended up getting married. However, not everyone will be this lucky. Long-distance relationships are not for everyone. They require a lot of work, a clear understanding of both parties’ plans in terms of relocation, and a strong commitment to remaining focused on each other until they can permanently be with each other.
Marie Berbick, aka The PR Girl, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
