Important questions to ask your significant other before marriage

MARRIAGE is supposed to be a union between two people committed to a long, beautiful adventure, who share common desires, goals, and a vision for the future. But achieving this requires deep premarital scrutiny ­— where tough questions are asked and compromises that could influence the future are made. However, many couples who end up retelling divorce horror stories identify with falling victim to the common destructive trend — making assumptions. How do you make sure that you are saying ‘I do’ to the right person?

Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell has identified the questions below to be considered a critical part of the premarital preparation process.

1. How will we share our leisure time, for example with each other, friends and family?

It is important that couples are able to come to a compromise on this. It is no secret that some spouses are not best friends with their in-laws or simply cannot tolerate their spouses’ friends.

2. How will we share our finances?

Consider whether or not you will share bank accounts, debt, or how you will manage leisure/social and family expenses.

3. What significance would in-laws have in our relationship?

How big is your significant other on family? In the case of a mate who can barely tolerate their in-laws, will there be clear guidelines and rules governing interactions and their interference in your relationship?

4. How would we spend public holidays such as Christmas and New Year?

People enjoy spending holidays differently; some people are traditional while others are unorthodox. As with any other issues that couples will encounter, this is a decision that rests with striking a compromise.

5. What significant role would church play in our spiritual life?

In case you are from different denominations, will you be joining your spouse or continue to serve in different places? Will your children be brought up in the church and will you follow other traditions of the church? Will the principles of the

Bible dictate or influence your decisions and those you make on behalf of your family?

6. How soon would we want to start our family?

Does your significant other even want children? How many are they thinking of, and do you have the resources to maintain them? This is a conversation that is a deal-breaker for many.

7. How important is sexual intercourse in the relationship?

Consider the fantasies and sexual adventures of your partner and discuss whether or not you would consider them. Also, if you and your partner are intimate before marriage, ask yourself if you are comfortable with your sex life. If not, consider asking your partner to explore with you. If you are unsatisfied sexually or if the same is true for your partner, could you commit to forever to mediocre sex?

8. Where and what kind of living accommodations would we explore?

Will you be renting facilities or will you seek a loan and work on paying a mortgage? Do you prefer living in the rural or urban area? Are you looking for a house of a particular size?

9. How would we treat with household activities — cleaning, cooking, washing?

Do you believe that the household chores are teamwork, do you need a domestic helper, or is one partner expected to take care of household duties?

10. How would we treat with plans for further studies?

Will your partner understand if you want to take time out to study? How supportive would they be of this move?