How to find the ideal partner
EVER so often we hear of people either modifying or re-visiting their must-have list of qualities that they are looking for in a partner. And after doing so, they then wait patiently on their idea of perfection to come and rescue them from their string of bad relationships
But the reality is, without even knowing it, they might never find this person, not because they might not exist outside of their fantasy, but because in order to get something new you have to have room to embrace it and be ready to receive it.
Here are a few things to consider in your quest for your ideal partner
• Are you truly open to love? Sometimes we think we are ready to love again when the truth is we aren’t as we are still carrying around the pain and hurt from the last relationship, and that funk in your trunk can mess up any new relationship you get into. Take time out to heal. There is no set time to recover from hurt. Use this time to better yourself so when the time is right for you to venture out in search of love, you will be more equipped to handle it.
• Don’t self-sabotage. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you have already failed without starting. What is the point in wanting the perfect partner who is outgoing and fun, when you are a 100 per cent introvert? Or do you want a partner who is drop dead gorgeous when you’re feeling like the ugly duckling? It just doesn’t add up. Build your confidence and get over your insecurities before seeking your happily ever after.
• De-clutter your heart. You have broken up with your ex for some time now, yet you still talk about them all the time. You even have pictures of them in your house. Who does that? It’s time to move on. No new prospect wants to walk into your house that is a museum of exes past. There is nothing wrong with loving an ex, but you have to learn how to love in a healthy way, from a distance.
• Be real. You want someone who can spend as much time with you as possible. You want to invite them over for dinner and have movie nights at home, but you don’t have a home! You’re in your late 30s/ early 40s grabbing at straws and living at home with your parents, asking your mom if she washed your Spider Man or your Princess bedspread. No perfect partner is going to want to be a part of that mess. You’re just coming across as being an overgrown child, so put down the pacifier and your blankie and get a job, save your money and move out.
• Put down that finger. Stop allowing your past to dictate your future. Not everyone is the same so it is unfair to put the blame for the past on someone in your future. If you were cheated on or hurt before, know that not everyone is the enemy. So don’t react to scenarios that haven’t even been played out. It’s only natural to go down memory lane when the same pattern starts to come up, but remember, memory lane is just a place we all visit, not live. So allow people to prove themselves before jumping to conclusions.
• Be you. If you have to change who you are to find your perfect partner, then you have taken the first step towards disaster. You will never be happy being what/who you think someone will like. You are not only lying to yourself but you are also lying to them and the foundation of your relationship would be based on a lie, which means that all the pretending that you did to get them only proves that they were never meant for you.
• Look at the signs. Sometimes who we want or the notion of perfection that we create on our wish list isn’t who God has designed for us. You can’t push something the shape of a square into the shape of a triangle. Yet we force ourselves into situations that we know won’t work and when we get stuck, that is when we notice all the signs that were shown to us.
