What it’s really like to wait until marriage
DISCUSSIONS about waiting until marriage to engage in sexual activity are always controversial. Whether it’s the do’s and don’ts, the common ground rules, or trial and error stories, opinions vary on what is acceptable and what’s not, as well as what’s recommended and what’s not. But with no biblical guarantee of everyone being promised a spouse, is the wait worth it? What are the struggles and high points? Below people weigh in on what it’s really like to wait until marriage for intimacy.
ML, married:
It’s based on the individual. For me, it was good because it allowed me to focus on personal goals, build a personal relationship with her, focus on ministry, socialise — meet and greet other people — and trust God’s decision for when I was ready to get married.
JG, married:
It was not easy. I know the Bible says no sex before marriage; however, I knew in my gut that this man loved me and I loved him dearly. Petting was great, and after three years of dating I really wanted to know what it was like, and so we did it before tying the knot.
CM, single:
Having been raised in the church, this was something very difficult for me, especially in my teenage years. I would go out with friends, and when the temptations came and I pulled away, I felt like flames were consuming me. I would often wonder why I felt like I was being punished waiting for my wife. And this advice about cold showers doesn’t help, especially when you’re young and inquisitive. Anyway, I can say I suffered through those times. Surprisingly, university provided a distraction because of my major and I really had no time. But my God, when I started working and saw those attractive women in my department, the thoughts came flooding back. Eventually, I met someone and we are now in a steady relationship. I’m still not married yet, and because I can’t stand it any longer, we just pet a lot and do a lot of ‘feeling up’. The thought to go further is there resting at the forefront of my mind, but I really can’t bring myself to go there because of my upbringing. Hopefully I’ll get married before the flames consume me totally.
RT, single:
This journey is far from simple. I’ve been a Christian for 17 years and still don’t have a man. Six years ago I thought I had found him, and I was so excited I started planning my wedding without even being engaged. We were going steady and keeping it pure and holy, until eventually we had sex. I never felt bad because I said to myself, we’re going to get married anyway, and this was something we discussed freely without hesitation or awkwardness. But he eventually left and of course it hurt, but I picked up the pieces and moved on. Now it’s been five years of single life, no dating, out of a relationship, zilch, celibate, whatever you want to call it. Not a single church brother has asked me out since my ex, not one has shown interest, which is also difficult for me, because I now question myself and wonder if I’m being judged by my past, or if I’ve just become cold and bitter. This journey is not easy.
AD, single:
It was simple for me. Most of my girlfriends were open to sex, so I utilised the opportunity. I think sex is a natural part of life, so why bother punishing yourself? If you and someone are committed, what’s the issue? I don’t promote promiscuity and I may sound like a pot cursing a kettle, but it is what it is. I don’t support promiscuity, but if you are in a committed relationship and you happen to have sex, will you drop dead?
Jackie, married:
I’m in my second marriage. At the time I wasn’t a Christian but I believed in waiting before marriage. It was my biggest regret. I didn’t enjoy my sex life with my first husband. I started to think that sex was overrated and that people always exaggerated when talking about it. Ten years later when I met my second husband I was literally blown away. If only I had tested the waters before the first, I would have known that we weren’t compatible in that way.
Stephanie, single:
Waiting until marriage is nerve-racking. All my friends are active and when it’s girls’ night out I feel so left out not being able to join in the conversation. But I am still trying to hold out because I was taught that it’s the right thing to do.
Kerry, divorced:
I got married at 20. Being a Christian, I strongly believed in waiting until marriage. But I couldn’t fight the urges and it forced me to rush into something neither of us was ready for. We barely lasted two years, all because I was running down sex and didn’t take the time out to know the person.
Tosha, single:
I honestly feel weird around my friends because they’re always talking about sex and I have no input. Whenever I get the urge I always try to find something to do. So I just keep myself busy at all times. I’m not sure how long I can hold out for though.
KK, married:
I got married early so I didn’t experience the agony some of my Christian friends experience. It felt great for my husband to be the only man I’ve slept with all my life. He feels good to be the only man to touch me. And here we are 15 years and strong.
Jennifer, married:
It probably doesn’t happen today but we were both each other’s first on our wedding night. We had so much fun learning and experimenting together. I think what helped even more was that we had no one to compare each other to.
