Navigating the independent woman/alpha male union

ALPHA males naturally assume the dominant or domineering role in their relationships — they yearn to be the ones in charge, a combination that is unlikely to sit well with an independent woman. Often the two don’t mesh or match up, but what happens in the rare event that two people of these particular traits seek to make life work together? Can an alpha male and an independent woman successfully navigate a fulfilling relationship?

Yes, if their attraction is strong enough and if the couple is committed to making their relationship work, says Relationship Counsellor Wayne Powell. He said that this couple may find the answer in compromising.

“Once people love, trust and respect each other then relationships can work. It is true that in relationships of this dynamic both are self-confident and go-getters and will even compete with each other. However, that does not mean that there will be a constant conflict, which of course could result in a ruined relationship since the element — compromise — can always come into play,” Powell reasoned.

He pointed out that the first thing that couples should do, having recognised that they have these oftentimes conflicting personalities, is to learn more about the other person once they are ready and willing to commit to them. The second, he says, is ensuring that there is healthy competition since this will feature heavily in these types of relationships. To achieve this, he recommends that both partners respect the talents and skills of the other and give each other the space to develop and grow.

“They need to learn that they should focus on building up rather than breaking down each other and maintaining a high regard for each other. In the same breath, they must be accountable to each other and be able to provide a check and balance for each other without intimidation and humiliation,” Powell advised.

He acknowledged that while both parties are highly motivated to succeed, and so any attempt to stem that drive will result in tension, it is crucial that there is a firm grip on the concept of equality as well as understanding how important blossoming in their respective disciplines is. That means that they will have to learn how to support each other without infusing themselves into the narrative.

Powell said that as a couple, the individual goals must be allowed to run on parallel tracks toward achieving common goals. Therefore, teamwork is essential to creating a “power” couple combining skills, knowledge and aptitude; and in order to achieve teamwork, then couples should be willing to compromise.

Practical recommendations

Some practical recommendations that you could employ in your day to day life include:

•Men, congratulate and support your woman when she decides to go to school or reaches a milestone in her career.

•Women, don’t be boastful because you earn more than your man and equally, men, don’t treat your woman poorly because you feel inferior because her paycheque is more than yours.

•Women, allow him to pay for dinner, and just in the same way, men, you can allow your woman to take you out and to treat you. It is not a competition. If you think a decision on who should pay is a problem, decide before you meet up.

•Devise a decision-making system as this will help you to avoid conflicts.

•Ask yourselves if your values align, because many times the reason why these relationships fail is not that of the personality, but the significant difference in individual value systems.

•Importantly, learn to listen to your partner and then work on meeting each other halfway.

•Don’t ever try to force your partner to do anything that makes him or her uncomfortable. That is not how love works.

— PENDA HONEYGHAN