‘He said I burped too loud’ – Worst break-up excuses ever

SOMETIMES when people want to end relationships, they can’t find the right words to use, or the decency to be honest about it. This leads them to come up with either some very creative excuses, or some very poor ones.

Below some readers share the worst excuses they ever got from someone who wanted to end a relationship with them.

Cherine, sales representative:

He said I burped too loud. To quote his exact words, he couldn’t deal with my “big gorilla belch like a doberman inna yuh throat”. I was very hurt at the time because it was just a case where I had gotten comfortable around him and thought it was OK. But looking back, that can’t be the real reason he left, he just needed an excuse.

Erica, accountant:

After six months of being together, and telling me he loved me, one day he just told me that he didn’t feel the same about me like I felt about him.

Marcia, secretary:

My ex actually told me he didn’t expect a relationship to happen, especially one that lasted a year. He thought it would have been a one-night stand. So because he didn’t expect it to last that long, he thought our time had expired, and he said he needed to move on. Men are so stupid.

Glen, graphic designer:

She sent me a long message on Facebook saying she needed to end things because the relationship was getting boring. She said everything was OK between us and she still wanted us to be friends. I just thought it didn’t make any sense at all. But I found out after that she was cheating the whole time.

Alexander, production coordinator:

I once had an ex who broke up with me because I was “too nice”. I never bothered to find out what that meant because I thought that excuse was stupid, but I assume it’s because I wasn’t making any great effort to get into her panties. Shame on me for thinking that there was plenty of time for that if we were able to establish a strong relationship first.

Matthew, student:

She said, “You love me too much” and that was the reason she could no longer be with me. I’ve just been single since that because I don’t want to get involved with someone else and end up loving her too much, or too little. I don’t understand women.

Jenell, businesswoman:

“You’re too perfect and you deserve someone better”. Stupidest excuse I ever heard. Clearly if I thought I deserved someone better I wouldn’t have been with you. Turned out he had someone else and wanted to spend more time with her, so he was right, I deserved better.

Shelly-Ann, grad student:

He had entered a conscious phase in his life so he encouraged me to go back natural, and back to my roots. For a few months he was a dashiki-wearing African prince, then one day he snapped out of the phase, looked at me, and said he preferred girls with straight hair. He said the kinky look didn’t fit my face after all, and ended things right then and there.

Neci, teacher:

“You dissed my friend so we can’t be together anymore“. His friend had asked me for my girlfriend’s number and I told him no, “my friend nuh want yuh”. My man took it to heart and left saying that I dissed his friend so it’s like I dissed him. But the relationship was already going downhill so I think that was just his excuse to break free.

Alfred, lecturer:

She was one of those bell hooks quoting type feminists, but once she was off campus usually she was a sweet girl who managed to blend in and be ‘normal’. I knew not to say certain things to her though, and thought I was well in tune with how to respect women and all that. But one day we went to the passport office together and were walking back to Half-Way-Tree when I leaned in to shoot my shot, and whispered in her ear how lovely she looked in her capris. Suddenly it was like Jekyll and Hyde — the lady called down a crowd on me, which attracted even the police, and publicly chastised me for degrading her for calling her sexy. Then she announced that she was done with me.

Cris, lab technician:

She said she could not deal with the distance anymore. This was rubbish because we both lived in the same parish and I always travelled to see her or paid for her to travel to see me. I surmise it was euphemism for my lack of “distance” biologically.

Hayden, student:

She said she needed to work on herself as she felt that she was inadequate for me. As if I told her I had a problem with her the way she was.

Joe, electrician:

We were going through our dating phase; however, we were always busy and could only meet up in semi-public places. I lived with my parents so I could never bring her home as there was always someone at home and I either had school or work. By the way, I have a lot of beauty spots — in my face, neck, hands, in my eye, all over. She had never said anything bad about them so I figured she was cool with it. One day I confirmed with her to visit a guest house. She realised that day that I had beauty spots EVERYWHERE on my body. We were getting busy when she stopped me and said, “I can deal with them everywhere except there”. She angrily got dressed and left. A few days passed and she told me that she needed space. I never heard from her again.