Loving Mr Wrong
ONE thing that psychologists say is not frequently talked about, is how effortlessly women hoodwink themselves into thinking that they can somehow transform their eye candy — irresistible bad boys — into devoted partners, friends, and dads.
All Woman asked women who pursued what they had hoped would be long-term relationships with men — undesirable by many societal standards — to share how they got reeled in and even fell in love with these men.
Britney, 33, realtor:
He was a known community ‘gyalist’, and I had gone to spend time with family. My cousin (of the same age) warned me about him, but I just could not get this man out of my mind. Within a week we were communicating, and secretly doing other things some time after. It was obvious he was up to no good, yet still, I couldn’t see my life with anyone else. My family found out and it was hell, but we continued the relationship long distance until everything with his women got too overwhelming.
Sharry, 29, paralegal:
I was in my third year of university and fresh out of a relationship. My umbrella fell one day while I was at the school’s back gate, and a guy picked it up and offered to help me with some other things I was struggling with. Turns out he was a student as well and he had obviously lost his way — lips discoloured from smoking so much, pants resting midway his hips, and every next word was a slang. From that day we kept bumping into each other. We became friends, but he stuck out like a sore thumb among my friends — we were safe, modest, rarely used slangs, and Christians. I could never see myself liking him, then I did, and the more I suppressed it, the more he did to show me his real character. I was ashamed to be in love with him, but as my circle started to accept him more I got brave about it and we started to date. He has changed some things — like the way he wore his pants just had to go, and the excessive smoking. We are now happy.
Daniela, 31, masseuse:
I like older men, and with these men, chances are they would have already had some children at their age. This guy was the perfect guy — a true gentleman, and he would give me everything. Somehow, one day we were talking and he casually mentioned having 10 kids. Knowing he was previously married, I said, “How did your wife manage with all those kids?” He said, “Oh no, she is the mother of two, the rest are by different mothers”. It turns out he had seven babymothers! And guess who ended up being number eight? A year later, we don’t even talk anymore. But I thank him because I previously didn’t think I would have kids, but it’s the best 30th birthday gift anyone could give me.
Simone, 21, university student:
I heard that he dated a lot of women, but I always think that people can change, plus he made me feel so different and there was chemistry. I somehow felt that I was special and that I could change him. Over time I realised that I wasn’t special — he was still entertaining other women as I would later find out, when a friend called to say, “Yes, mi see you [with him]” — it wasn’t me. Then I realised I had become just a booty call and I got the message clear as day.
Chelsie, 28, business owner:
My child’s father’s babymother would always call him out on social media for not taking care of the child. But he was always doing videos of him and the child at KFC, the supermarket, and even one time when he hosted a birthday party for him. I let him convince me that he was doing everything, not knowing that his mother and his sister were helping him to save face. When I got pregnant for him, it’s a good thing I could manage on my own because all this man brought were excuses every week. His sister and mother would send gifts for our daughter and he would pretend he bought them. He comes around and all he wants is for me to dress up our daughter so he can snap pictures of her and show off. And do you know what is painful about everything? I hate that I still feel some amount of love, and even desire him. If yam head was ever a person, it would have to be me.
