Epic romance flops
ROMANCE and humour go hand in hand when building a strong relationship, but rarely do we ever intend to enjoy them both at the same time. It’s all good and well if humour turns into romance, but for many of us, if our partners dare laugh at our passionate efforts, they might not get much else to smile about for a very long time.
But not even the fear of being laughed at can stop us from making bold moves. Whether it’s a good idea gone bad, an impromptu scene inspired by a movie, or a failed attempt at spicing up a lacklustre relationship, many of us have had some big, sexy flops.
These readers share how they were either embarrassed in front of company or laughed to scorn by their partners when they tried to bring the heat, but were just not hot.
Kelly, 24, nail technician:
I was complaining about how my man never brings me out on proper dates, so he decided that he would one night and we planned for it. I was excited from the week before, and kept sending him pictures of what I would wear and making dirty talk about what we would do after dinner. I was really excited. Lo and behold, as we reached the restaurant and were waiting to be seated, my left foot collapsed! The pair of heels was sitting in the closet so long that they dry rotted. On top of it, he had the nerve to laugh, before he tried to help. My vibes broke completely after that.
Noelle, 30, store operator:
I always shaved or used hair removal cream, but my husband and I were watching a movie once and he commented on how smooth a woman’s bikini area looked. I got it in my head that he was displeased with how I groomed, so as a surprise birthday present for him I booked an appointment at the spa for a Brazilian wax. I have a pretty high pain threshold, having birthed three kids naturally, and I popped an Ibuprofen before the appointment just to be on the safe side. Well, I don’t know if my skin was extra sensitive or what that day, or if the technician did something wrong, but when she applied the hot wax to my nether regions and then ripped the hair off, I saw the father, son and holy ghost. I jumped off the bed and ran for the door, ran outside, and jumped into my car, with all the people on the plaza watching and laughing. I didn’t even realise that I wasn’t wearing most of my clothes until the technician brought my clothes out to the car.
Stacey, 29, accountant:
We were at home listening to the radio one day and some dancehall music was playing. I was mopping and doing my little thing and my guy wanted to get by me, so he was watching and waiting. He begged me a whine, and I was in a good mood so I gave him. The ingrate said, “Yuh nuh too bad but yuh waist can use likkle WD40. You back hunch up like when puss frighten”. That was the very last time I so much as shake my head when he is watching.
Neil, 30, warehouse manager:
My ex-girlfriend would always send me nudes while I was at work out of the blue, so one day I decided to send her back one. She responded and I thought everything went well, but one day I overheard her work best friend calling me ‘Mr Mole’ and laughing. Later that night my girl said she was showing her friend something on the phone when the picture came in, and she opened it without thinking because I never do that sort of thing. I felt a little way, yes, but at least my Mr Mole is a good size.
Sherry-Kay, 26, field researcher:
I was trying to show an interest in my boyfriend’s hobby, which is football, so I researched his favourite team and its players and everything, to join in the conversation when we were hanging with his friends. So they came by one evening and were talking about a match, and I went off with my knowledge about Manchester City… only to find out that his favourite team was actually Manchester United. I felt so dumb.
Jenny, 30, nurse:
The most embarrassing for me was literally falling flat on my face. We were coming in from a party, I was slightly tipsy, and I tried to bend over seductively and just fell. He laughed so hard I started crying.
