Girl, it’s not even worth it…

YESTERDAY would have probably been the biggest testimony of the status of your love life. Did your man shower you with affection, or did the liar come with the same sorry story that he doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day?

Whether your mate purports to celebrate it or not, Valentine’s Day should be a day when you’re shown at least a wee bit of affection. If you didn’t feel the love in the air, if you were still left to slave away in the kitchen, tend to the squabbling kids, and didn’t even get a $100 rose he bought from the street vendor, then it’s probably time to assess whether it’s actually worth continuing the rest of 2021 with this boo.

Because there’s no way someone can claim to appreciate, like, even love you, and not get you anything for the biggest day of romance on the calendar. Even if he insists that it’s a man-made holiday, even if he insists that St Valentine was a bit suspect, even if he thinks Cupid is a farce, and even if he comes with the lie that he celebrates you every single day and so Valentine’s isn’t anything special, if you were left feeling lonely yesterday, you have to do some introspection.

Is it time to give up? Is this man even worth it? Counsellor David Anderson insists that if you were left feeling blue instead of getting red stuff yesterday; that, along with these other signs, may indicate that it may be time to just throw in the towel.

He emotionally abuses you

Does he block you out for days at a time, refuses to talk to you, and leaves you questioning whether you did or said something wrong, then after some time he returns to his regular self, and pretends nothing happened? “Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse in relationships, and if you’re experiencing bouts of stress or depression because your partner shuts you out, or leaves you wanting for emotional support, then it’s time to talk to him, and protect your mental health,” Anderson said.

He gaslights you

Are arguments always turned around, making you the aggressor even when you were the one initially aggrieved? Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories. Some men are very good at using this against women, and at the end of an argument you’re the one left apologising, even if he was the one initially wrong. “If your partner tries to alter your memory or perception of events, belittles or disregards your feelings, you may be dating a gaslighter, and they are the hardest people to reform,” Anderson says.

You feel like the only one in the relationship

It’s sure nice to have a warm body to snuggle up to at night, but if you’re always left feeling like you’re the only one in the relationship — facing all the struggles alone — then it may be time to give up. If you’re the only one battling with the financial, emotional and other aspects of the relationship, while your man is only there to offer a warm body and 60 seconds of pleasure when one or both of you need release, is it even worth it? Can you call on him when you need a ride somewhere, when you need to go to the country to see your folks, or when you need something fixed in your house? Or is he only gung ho when it comes to bedroom activities? Think on these things.

He’s holding you back

Do you feel stagnant both in your personal and professional life? Has your relationship taken so much out of you emotionally that you can’t give the other areas of your life the attention they need? Your man could be holding you back, and it’s better to cut him off now, than wait to lose it all.

He doesn’t care about your concerns

Have you raised any of the above issues with him, even suggested counselling, but he dismisses your concerns? Does he say, “We’re OK“, ”Who says we need counselling?”, “Counselling is a waste of time”, “You have it better than most people”, or “Why would you think that I don’t love you”, in response to your concerns and suggestions for change? He’s deflecting. Once your concerns about the status of the relationship are valid and he doesn’t want to address them, he may not be the right one for you.