Be the dad you wish you had, Gavin Goffe advises

SINCE he became a father three years ago, Gavin Goffe has been in constant awe and amazement as he watched his son, Julian, develop from a neonate into a rambunctious preschooler.

“It’s so beautiful to watch this baby develop into an actual person with thoughts and opinions and preferences. It’s just amazing to be a part of,” the lawyer shared with All Woman ahead of our celebration of devoted and dedicated dads last week.

“He is at that age where he is still very affectionate, and he still relies on his parents a lot. He still wants to be hugged. He still wants to be lifted,” he said. “He is not yet talking back too much, but there is still a level of independence that’s coming out, and his personality is shining through.”

Goffe is keen on encouraging his son’s emotional development by not only showering him with affection, but ensuring that he constantly sees what love looks like around him. This is effortless with Sanya, who has been his friend for 30 years and wife for 12.

“We are very affectionate with him and with each other around him,” the head of the litigation department at Myers, Fletcher & Gordon attorneys-at-law shared. “We shower him with affection, and we have seen how he has thrived in that environment. We also have a very strong village, and everybody is very affectionate in that village.”

Goffe highlighted that he was fortunate enough to be raised by a father who was very devoted to his family and was affectionate with his children, and that he is able to do the same for his son. He encourages more fathers to accept that they don’t just have a responsibility to provide for their children, but also to nurture them.

“In order to have a good relationship with your child, you have to work on having a good relationship with the mother first,” he said. “It’s not always easy, especially when the parents are not together, because there are a lot of emotions tied up in that. But one of the best things a man can do for his child is try to mend those fences. Try and heal those relationships, because that will have an enormous positive impact on how the child sees relationships, and how the child sees you as a father.”

Being cognisant of the fact that many of today’s fathers were not raised by theirs, or did not have a close relationship with them, Goffe urged dads to set new standards for themselves.

“Be the father that you wish you had, or even better than the one you actually had,” he advised. “I think if we make it a goal of ours to build that bond between father and child, we’d see many of the ills in our society being lessened.”

While he is optimistic that the new wave of emotionally and physically present dads that are emerging, especially on social media, will be catalysts for new parenting norms, the Twitter #SonClash defending champion knows that more work needs to be done.

“We are lacking in guidance and positive male role models,” he said frankly. “And I think that if we could actually see the impact that men in the lives of their children have had in other countries, and the ripple effect that it has on the rest of the society, then we’d realise that that’s where our focus needs to be. Improving the relationship with the fathers, especially in our society that is so matriarchal, is really, really important.”