Phew! I dodged a bullet

THEY say what is for you won’t go past you, and everything happens for a reason — sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck. But this is no consolation when someone you thought was your soulmate, or someone you were interested in, is snatched away, because at that point all you can process is the loss.

But many people will tell you that after heartbreak comes happiness, and years later, they may wonder what the whole fuss of mourning a lost love was about. Others will point to dodging the bullet as a stroke of luck, like the women below who can now say, “Phew, God was surely looking out for me with that one!”

Carlie, 25:

I was living in a big-yard type apartment complex a few years ago. Everyone got along well; we’d have cookouts and fun times. One day one of my neighbours introduced me to a cousin visiting from the country for a few months, who he said was just in town to cool out. When I met him I thought he was such a gentleman. We hit it off and started hanging out, and I even had him babysitting my daughter sometimes when I had school. I saw him as my future babydaddy. I wondered why my neighbour didn’t really seem excited about the budding relationship, and would always caution me not to move too fast. The whole time I thought he was just bad mind. Well, a couple months in, homeboy just disappeared — he left the house without even saying goodbye. I tried to get information from my neighbour, but he was just as clueless. I was devastated, because I was falling in love. I even drove to the country he was from one weekend to scope out the place, with no success. No one knew who I was talking about! About a year later I was on Instagram when a news story popped up on a popular gossip site. There he was, name and picture, in the United States facing charges for lotto scamming. I then realised why my neighbour tried to warn me about him, and why he had come to town to cool out — it was because he was hiding from the cops.

Latania, 36:

A few years ago I was going through some custody issues with my ex, and had court at the Supreme Court downtown. I would park in the upstairs parking lot opposite the courthouse, and one day, while leaving my car, my eyes made four with this handsome young lawyer. I had a boyfriend at the time, but he was persistent — introduced himself and took my card. We talked for a while, and he gave me some tips about winning my case, and we even went out for drinks. I flirted with the thought of risking it all to date him, but before that, I asked some other friends I had about him. This man was courting me like he was free, single, and disengaged, when he was on his second marriage, with children! When I asked him, he had the nerve to say it was an arranged marriage and asked what the fuss was about. I stopped messing with him, and a few years after I saw a notice in the paper that he was disbarred.

Asha, 30:

I don’t know if you’d call this dodging a bullet, because I don’t even know if this relationship would have gone anywhere. Let me set the stage. I live with my brother and child in a house we bought together. We’re both green card holders. The property manager for the scheme knows my brother well, and would visit us at home, so I became good friends with him too. We got so close that I was cooking for him, all three of us went out a few times, and when I travelled I’d take stuff back for him. So it was a quasi relationship, and we even discussed marriage, as he wanted to migrate because he said Jamaica was too hard to live in. I thought we were just taking things slow, and he said he really checked for me. My HOA [home owners association] eventually changed property management companies, so we wouldn’t be seeing this guy as much around the place. But we still would hang out, and I was making plans to do what it took to go back to America so I could marry and sponsor him. Well one day my brother called me to show me a Facebook page that this guy had created, where he was dressed in drag, and was living his best life. I was truly shocked, because at no point had I even remotely suspected that he wasn’t straight, and was just trying to use me.

Tameka, 40:

While I was living in Antigua I met this fellow Jamaican and we hit it off. Two twos we were dating, married — it was a whirlwind — as we were in love. The plan was to work and save enough and then return to Jamaica to buy property and open a business. I knew he had children in Jamaica, and I ensured that I encouraged him to send funds back for them, and he said he always did. Eventually it was time to move back, and by this time the marriage was kinda strained, because each time I got pregnant, I’d have a miscarriage. We got back to Jamaica where we started to try for a baby again, with no luck. I would pray hard and blame God for not blessing my womb, until one day my husband’s children’s mom and his mother (my mother-in-law) showed up at the house. They pleaded with me to encourage him to support his children as the mother was sickly and could no longer afford to maintain the kids on her own. He was a terrible father to the children he already had, and was lying to me all these years about supporting them. His children were basically living as paupers, while he was living like a king. I then realised that my miscarriages might have been a sign not to bring another child of his into the world. I’m grateful that I am not tied to him anymore, and can gladly say that I’m a mother of two now, with a new husband.