The Lord led me to two women
Counsellor,
I have a dilemma. I am a Christian, and have been all my life. I prayed a very specific prayer three years ago for the Lord to reveal the woman who was to be my wife. Immediately, like the burning bush, one of my church sisters entered my thoughts, and to make it more fateful, she confessed that the Lord had also advised her that I was her future husband. We have been dating since then, and in September, I made a big show out of a proposal. We are now engaged to be married in late 2025. My dilemma is our church recently got a new pastor, who came from another parish to serve with his family. One of his daughters has now entered my thoughts, and I believe God is also guiding me towards her, even more strongly than my fiancée. In fact, I may have erred about my wife-to-be. I am positive that this other woman would make a more suitable wife, but I have no idea how to get out of this mess. I have told my parents, who advised me to go with my heart and they will support me. This other woman is not aware of my feelings, and I don’t know if she feels the same, by the way.
Many Christians misunderstand the Lord and marriage. The Lord facilitates opportunities, but choice is left up to the individual. The Lord defends freedom of choice. Therefore, Christians must be very careful about using the words “God said” while attempting to pursue a relationship. Spiritually pressuring/manipulating someone you are attracted to is not godly. If the Lord places someone on your heart, then proceed to be romantic, and shoot your best shot.
Note, a person must never feel “spiritually pressured” to date you. If you believe the Lord has someone for you, then let it work out naturally, as evidence of the Lord’s will and plan. Yes, certainly, pray it through quietly, too. Joseph had to choose to be with Mary after the angel literally appeared in his dream to convince him – God gives freedom of choice!
Now specifically to your situation:
Be sensible about things: Yes, be led by the Spirit (Romans 8:14), but understand that that means to be led to act in a godly respectable way. You’ve said, “God is also guiding me towards” Ms Pastor’s Kid – but God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33), and in this dispensation He doesn’t facilitate polygamy, or “side chicks”. So your inclination may need investigation. It’s pray, choose, make a move, be faithful. That’s it!
Pause for a bit: I am not sure that you are presently ready for marriage. As it is said, “Marriage is big people business.” You can’t be double minded with things like these, or when you get married, years later, you may be wondering if you chose the right one. I’d say sit down for a bit to determine what you want and who you want to be with. Then make your commitment and work with it.
If you have erred, do the time: If you made a mistake about asking Ms Burning Bush to marry you, that’s a big deal. If you truly believe she’s not the one, then that’s that. The only way out of the quagmire is to call off the engagement and stay single for about 12 months. You promised Ms Burning Bush marriage, and you’re withdrawing the promise. So if you do the crime, do the time!
Let things happen naturally: After you’ve made it clear to Ms Burning Bush that it’s over, and you’ve been single for about 12 months, then maybe befriend Ms Pastor’s Kid. Leave off the “God said” and be a respectable gentleman worthy of a respectable lady. Let the Lord bring it to pass.
Marriage is a big deal, so please take your time.
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
