Men need presents, not presence
AS I looked at the beard oil set my girlfriend gave me this Christmas (for the second year in a row) — a 1.2 ounce Walmart brand oil, to be exact, and some shampoo — my head got hot. I got angry. I was disappointed, and even then, I had to maintain my composure, say thank you, and keep a smile on my face.
Sure, I should have been grateful, because this year I actually got something I could use, as opposed to Christmases and Valentine’s Days past when she tried to sell me the theory that she was the gift, and that offering extra intimacy complemented by lingerie and body oil was something I should be thankful for. But I digress.
There’s an unsettling trend I’ve noticed lately, particularly around birthdays, anniversaries, and even the holidays. More and more, women seem to think their mere presence — or, let’s be honest, their bodies — are the ultimate “gift” to men. It’s as if the art of thoughtful gift-giving has been replaced by a belief that being a woman is enough. Meanwhile, men are still expected to pull out all the stops: luxury items, grand gestures, and meticulously planned surprises.
You’ve probably seen it or experienced it: a man spends weeks planning, saving, and buying the perfect gift — something tailored to her tastes, showing effort and thoughtfulness. And what does he get in return? A wink, a coy smile, and the phrase, “I’m your present. Meet me in the bedroom”.
What’s worse, is that sometimes she has the audacity to fall asleep, or fake a headache, and he can’t even collect his “gift”.
This idea, that a woman’s presence or body is the ultimate gift might sound poetic in theory, but in practice, it’s lazy and self-serving. A relationship is a two-way street, where both people make an effort to show appreciation. Men want to feel valued too, not just as providers of lavish gifts or grand gestures, but as people deserving of the same level of care and consideration. The decline of thoughtful gift-giving is less about the objects themselves and more about what they represent — time, effort, and understanding. Without it, men are left feeling like the relationship is one-sided, where they’re expected to constantly prove their worth while receiving little in return.
This isn’t about materialism; it’s about reciprocity. A meaningful gift, no matter how small, shows that she knows him, values him, and has taken the time to think about what might bring him joy. The imbalance that’s creeping into relationships today risks reducing men’s worth to their ability to give while making them feel undervalued in return.
Don’t get me wrong, I value and love the woman in my life, but a relationship shouldn’t come with a lopsided gifting dynamic. If a man puts time into buying her favourite perfume or surprising her with a weekend getaway, shouldn’t he get something equally meaningful in return? We’re more than satisfied customers in some imaginary transaction. Men, too, deserve to feel valued in tangible, thoughtful ways — not just through the assumption that we should be endlessly grateful for women’s attention.
So ladies, there’s still time. Today is December 30, so there’s still time to make his New Year special! Do not wait till Valentine’s Day, I beg!
Woman up, get some balls, and give him a gift that’s equal in value to what he gave you this Christmas.
Jevaughnie Smith is a recent university graduate, excited to pursue a career in communications.
