When men yearn
WOMEN are often the ones depicted in popular media pining after their lost loves when a relationship goes sour; indeed, it’s very rare to see a man in this position, bawling over getting hurt. However, reality seems to indicate the opposite — the data shows that men experience more emotional pain during break-ups, and male writers like Shakespeare certainly seem to have emotional pain down to a thought, writing gems like, “When you depart from me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave,” and “Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but love.”
A 2021 study, Dirty Laundry: The Nature and Substance of Seeking Relationship Help from Strangers Online, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, found that more men solicited relationship help through the Reddit online forum r/relationships than women, with 54.62 per cent of the users being men and only 45.38 per cent being women. Notably, “heartache” was the most commonly discussed theme, indicating the psychological distress caused by the relationship problems being discussed, the authors noted.
The authors, Entwistle et al, from Lancaster University, United Kingdom, said the fact that the heartache theme was more commonly discussed by men emphasises how men are at least as equally as affected by relationship problems as women, and feel comfortable to express and seek support for their distress in online, anonymous settings.
So what of this yearning that has men taking longer to move on than women?
Chadwick, 34:
I had a thing with this woman at work, and for two years we were pretty serious until I went on a fellowship programme overseas. When I came back 18 months later, she was married, and pregnant. We broke up when I was leaving, but we were still in contact during my whole time there. And I dated people while studying, but I assumed, somehow, that when I returned to Jamaica, we would pick up where we left off. I cannot tell you what it has been like to see her everyday with her little family. Her husband picks her up everyday, and sometimes she takes the baby to work. I’ve been caught a few times just staring at her, desperate for her. I will have to change jobs soon, if this continues to be a problem for me.
Aldane, 30:
My girl left me when she found suspicious messages in my phone, and even though I hadn’t done anything with anybody else, she said just thinking about it was enough, and labelled it emotional cheating. I did not eat or sleep for a long time after she left, and I am just returning to my former self. I must admit that I still cry about her time and time again, although I have dated other people. As far as I know she is still single, but when she finds a man, I know that it will send me into deep depression again.
Dajuan, 46:
My biggest heartache and heartbreak was finding out that my wife had cheated to get back at me for cheating. They say man can’t take bun, and they’re right. It mash up my meds so much, and trust me, I love her, so we had to work through it. I cried every day about her for a year. Trust me, this happened four years ago, and I have been a faithful partner ever since, but I can never, ever get over the thought of her with someone else.
Delroy, 48:
Not even rum could help when I found out that my babymother wasn’t just sitting at home while I was out playing, she was having her fun too. I only found out when my mother filed for us and one of the kids wasn’t mine. The betrayal was hard to swallow, and I’m still not over it, even though we both moved on and are both married to other people.
Webster, 32:
We were in church, church! when she said, “When did you realise our love was dead?” Well shock me, I did not, and it hit me like an absolute ton of bricks. I thought she was joking because everything was normal between us and there were no signs that she was unhappy. I spent months trying to show her that we could get the spark back, and spent a lot of time and money on therapy and romantic gestures, but she was over it. I’m still not over it. I still have breakdowns, especially on occasions like Christmas, birthdays, our anniversary, and Valentine’s Day. I yearn for her every single day, and if she called me today, I’d go back.
