5 things you must stop doing if you want to get married
LET me start by saying this: Wanting to be married is not a sign of weakness or desperation. It’s a beautiful desire, and God honours it. But too many women are unknowingly standing in their own way when it comes to finding love and building the kind of relationship that leads to marriage.
As someone who’s been divorced, healed, and is now remarried, I speak from both experience and a heart for helping women walk in purpose and love again. I’ve coached many women who say they want to be married but their habits, attitudes, and mindset scream otherwise.
So today, let me lovingly share five things you absolutely must stop doing if you want to position yourself for a healthy, lasting marriage.
1) Stop settling for situationships
Let’s call it what it is. If he doesn’t know what he wants, won’t commit, and has you in emotional limbo, sis, that’s not a relationship, it’s a situationship. And it’s robbing you of time, clarity, and self-worth.
Settling for less than what you deserve doesn’t lead to marriage; it leads to confusion. Stop giving wife privileges to someone who hasn’t even decided to be your boyfriend. Know your worth — and don’t be afraid to walk away from something that isn’t aligned with your goals.
2) Stop carrying old baggage into new possibilities
You can’t walk into your future dragging the hurt of your past. Whether it’s a cheating ex, a failed marriage, or childhood wounds, healing must come first.
A man is not a therapist, and he shouldn’t have to pay the price for what someone else did to you. I had to take time after my divorce to deal with me — the anger, the bitterness, the mistrust. And when I did, I became emotionally available for the love I truly desired.
Let go of what hurt you so you can hold onto what’s meant for you.
3) Stop pretending you don’t want marriage
Too many women hide behind the “I’m good alone” mask. And while, yes, you should be content in your singleness, pretending you don’t want marriage just to appear strong or independent is self-sabotage.
Don’t let past disappointment, societal pressure, or fear trick you into shrinking your desire. It’s okay to say, “I want to be a wife.” God can’t bless what you won’t admit you want.
4) Stop ignoring red flags because you’re tired of waiting
Loneliness can make us overlook some serious red flags. Sis, just because he’s available doesn’t mean he’s suitable. Watch his character. Pay attention to how he treats others, not just you. Look at how he handles conflict, money, and responsibility.
Marriage amplifies whatever is already there — good or bad. Stop rushing to say yes because you’re tired of being alone. The wrong partner can make marriage feel lonelier than singleness ever did.
5) Stop thinking you have to be perfect to be loved
Perfection is not a prerequisite for partnership. You don’t need to lose 20 pounds, have a master’s degree, or own a house before you’re “ready” for love. Stop disqualifying yourself from marriage because of your past, your age, your kids, or your mistakes. Some folks write you off from remarriage if you have multiple children, but I remarried with three children!
God doesn’t need perfect people — he needs willing ones. Be open. Be whole. Be healed. That’s where your real power lies.
Here’s the truth: Marriage is not just about finding the right person, it’s about becoming the right person. Let God prepare you, heal you, and align you with someone who’s not intimidated by your strength, but inspired by your journey.
Marie Berbick-Bailey is a certified master life coach, resilience coach, ordained minister, author, motivational speaker, wife, mother and big sister dedicated to empowering women to heal, thrive, and walk in purpose. Connect with her at www.marieberbick.com, www.marieberbickcoach.com, or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
Marie Berbick-Bailey
