Divorced women’s realities
SO I’ve received feedback from divorced women who have been facing some challenges that I’m going to address. There is no shame in admitting that your life has changed significantly since your divorce. From one divorcee to another, I want to share some wisdom nuggets with you.
Divorce is not just paperwork; it’s a quiet earthquake. Things remain standing, but nothing sits where it used to. As women — mothers, ministers, professionals — we often carry our pain with poise. We show up for everyone, while the hardest pieces of our story go unspoken. Today, I want to name those pieces so healing can begin.
1) The identity aftershock
When the ring comes off, identity feels loose. You’re no longer “wife”, but you’re not “single and carefree” either. You are rebuilding. Well-meaning friends say “You’re so strong!” when you actually feel invisible. Here’s truth: your worth never depended on a last name. You are still God’s daughter, still anointed, still purposeful.
2) Financial whiplash
Divorce can introduce you to a calculator you never wanted. Legal bills, moving costs, and the math of one income can be sobering. I’ve been there and learnt some solid lessons about budgeting and money management as a divorced woman. Some sisters also face financial control tactics from their exes that leave scars. If this is you, breathe. Open your own accounts. Track every dollar. Look for investments that will change your financial future. Look into real estate. Ask for help without shame. Financial stability is a form of healing.
3) Co-parenting and complicated love
Exchanging the children at a gas station on a Friday evening can feel like grief on repeat. You want to honor their father without erasing your pain. You pray over little backpacks while negotiating schedules and emotions. Remember: children don’t need a perfect mother; they need a present one. Document agreements, keep communications factual, and let your home be a safe harbor — calm, consistent, covered in prayer.
4) Loneliness and the ache for touch
There’s a silence at night that worship music can’t always fill. You can be strong and still miss the warmth of another adult in the room. Acknowledge the ache without feeding it with counterfeits. Build healthy community. Create rituals — tea at sunset, a walk after dinner, a phone-fast before bed. Do something kind for your body daily.
5) Church pew politics
Church can be a hospital and sometimes a courtroom. People may study your ring finger more than your fruit. Leadership doors might close before anyone asks about your heart. Hear me: divorce does not disqualify you from grace, calling, or destiny. You are not a problem to be solved; you are a person to be loved. Find a community that knows the difference.
6) Starting again without losing yourself
The pressure to “prove you’re fine” can push some women into premature relationships. Heal first. Learn your patterns. Rebuild boundaries. Date slowly, wisely, prayerfully — if and when you’re ready. You’re not “behind.” You’re becoming.
What helps in the real world
•Pair prayer with therapy; heaven and health are not rivals.
•Hold a weekly money meeting with yourself.
•Build a circle of three: a truth-telling friend, a mentor, and a counselor/pastor.
•Create a co-parenting plan in writing. Protect the children’s peace.
•Move your body. Grief sits in muscles. Sweat is a sermon.
•Keep a “wins” journal—tiny victories are still victories.
Sister, divorce is a chapter, not your conclusion. God specialises in resurrection — of hearts, homes, hopes, and futures. You will laugh again. You will breathe fully again. And when you do, your testimony will be a lighthouse for another woman walking the same shoreline in the dark.
Marie Berbick-Bailey is a certified master life coach, women’s resilience & leadership coach, ordained minister, author, motivational speaker, wife, mother and big sister dedicated to empowering women to heal, thrive, and walk in purpose. Connect with her at www.marieberbick.com, www.marieberbickcoach.com . Email marieberbick@gmail.com.
