Wife caught cheating on camera
COUNSELLOR, My wife told me she wanted to go to the Airbnb we own to cool out for a few days, but when I checked the cameras, she was not alone. Basically, she left me with the kids to go spend the weekend with another man. She doesn’t know that I had installed cameras, and I haven’t said anything to her, because I really don’t even know what will happen when we actually talk about it. When she came back she was acting normally, and said the break helped her mental health a lot. What should I do? I have been a committed, faithful husband and father.
Your wife went to your Airbnb property to have an affair, and you want to know what to do. Understood. You must be quite heartbroken and upset. I commend you for managing yourself admirably. It seems you’re mature and have emotional intelligence. Not many men have the discipline to control themselves when they’re hurting or presented with evidence of betrayal.
I commend you for being a faithful husband and father. Many people don’t believe that such a thing is possible anymore. I am glad you’ve stated that clearly. Not every husband cheats. Yes, faithful men can be cheated on; however, it doesn’t nullify the virtue of being faithful. It’s never wrong to do the right thing! Don’t allow anyone to change your mind about loyalty, integrity, responsibility and decency.
If you feel you can’t manage the emotional torrents caused by her cheating, just walk away. Never allow yourself to lose control, nor to take regrettable actions. Never get violent over a spouse’s choice to soil their soul with infidelity or folly. Stay virtuous and walk away! Find a place of peace to gather yourself, so that you can manage the situation wisely. Never allow someone else’s sin to lead you to destruction! Walk, if you must!
My advice:
Be strategic: Let your children remember your integrity! Let them see your continued maturity and discipline. While you will struggle with the reality of betrayal, do what is necessary to heal. I suggest getting away for a bit, talking with someone you trust about the situation, and sustaining a healthy routine of exercise and social activity. No shame!
Talk to your wife: When you’re calm and collected, sit with her to let her know what you know. If at any point you are losing control, leave. Ensure you have that discussion without the children present. If needs be, have a third-party present. Infidelity cannot be swept under a rug —“You do the crime; you do the time!”
Decide what you want: If you are leaving the relationship, be strategic — determine when, where, and how. If you are trying to understand why she cheated, etc, then prepare your questions beforehand. If you are considering trying to work on fixing the marriage, prepare an ultimatum, and be ready for any response. Create strong boundaries and be prepared to stand by them.
Engage a counsellor: It will probably take a while for you to trust her, or another romantic partner. There’ll be work you’ll need to do. You will need help if you’re trying to fix things with your wife. Her accountability will be key. A plan will have to be employed for you, and for her. Consider contacting me for further help.
Be prudent with protecting the children: Do not think to hide the challenges from them. They’ll perceive it anyway. Their ages should determine how vague you remain with explanations. While giving them details isn’t essential, letting them know that you were disappointed by a decision their mum made, I’d say is fine. They should not be guessing about who did the “crime”.
I pray that you will continue to embrace the wisdom of fidelity, and that you will prudently navigate your way, so that the rest of your life can be the best of your life.
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
