Relationship fraud

That all love's pleasure

Shall not match his woe.

It shall be fickle, false, and full of fraud.

Bud and be blasted in a breathing-while

The bottom poison, and the top o'erstraw'd.


There are so many different types of fraud, and all have their genesis in deception. But what really is fraud? The dictionary defines fraud as, “Wholeful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain. A person or thing intended to deceive others, typically by unjustifiably claiming or bring credited with acknowledgements or qualities.”

Now, that sounds so highfalutin and verbose, grandiose to the core, but the bottom line is, fraud means deception, to fool, to trick, to scam, to lamps, to give you a six for a nine. Unlike other crimes, fraud rarely includes violence, although violence can follow, for in many cases, the person who's the victim of fraud does not like being duped, and may react in a physical way.

Also, fraudsters are often categorised differently from other types of criminals, such as hard-core crime, blue-collar crime and white-collar crime. Of course, the white-collar crime is the most innocuous of all, very much like the little white lie. But the truth is, fraud is a crime, and crime is crime, no matter what the colour.

Then there's also relationship fraud, known as love collar fraud. I must claim authorship of that term, so please remember where you first saw it.

We'll find out what that really is, right after we see what these readers had to say about 'What men want'.

Hi Tony,

At this stage of my life, my needs are fairly simple. Comfort and health will suffice, but from a woman, my needs are a little more demanding. Loving and sexual, with the skills of a chef in the kitchen, an equal partner in life. What I do not want is a cold woman and warm beer.


Hey Tony,

Men's wants are fairly simple, more or less, far more simple than what women want. Women have no limits, but a man will settle for the simple things in life. Most men are not fussy and would live in a cave if given the chance. Just give him a warm place to sleep, food on the table and a woman in his bed and he's okay. As Shakespeare said, 'A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou by my side.'


It's not only in the corporate, business or financial world that fraud is committed. Fraud occurs in other areas of life too, and nowhere is it as prevalent as in relationships, only that it's not usually labelled as such. When two people get involved it's akin to a business venture, with emotional investment made, shares, dividends accumulated and profits attained, ergo emotional satisfaction.

So when one partner decides to deceive the other, resulting in a loss of interest, dwindling of shares and eroding of emotional dividends, then that is relationship fraud. This has affected countless people, but fortunately it's not classed as a crime, for there are not enough prisons in the world to hold those who are guilty of love-letter crime.

There is the fraud of lying to the partner, usually before the relationship has taken root. These promissory prevarications, downright lies, are meant to present a different and more lofty picture of who you really are. This is most prevalent in other areas of life, notably when people are seeking employment or trying to get into prestigious educational institutions.

Telling lies on a resume or on college admission forms is a crime, but telling lies to enter into a relationship is not. Even so, it can have a disastrous effect on the relationship, as the victim is often badly burned and scarred for life.

“He told me that he came from a wealthy family and was just waiting on his inheritance to be disbursed.”

“She told me that I was the first man she ever had.”

Both of those instances are classed as relationship fraud, and both victims suffer a severe hurt when the deception is revealed. One could say that there should be red flags, but fraudsters are so skilled at what they do that it's often impossible to detect the deceit. Plus, because love is blind and prevents people from detecting the fraud, it makes it so much easier for the fraudster to weave a web of illusion.

Relationship fraud exists in the bedroom most of all, and it's a well-known fact that women are masters at it. Well-known to women but not to all men.

Women have been practising sexual fraud from Adam and Eve ate that forbidden fruit. They tell men what they want to hear, acting as if they really enjoy having sex with the paunchy old man with money who thinks that she really enjoys doing it with him and is not just doing it for the accrued interest and financial dividends.

And, of course, there is the biggest love-collar fraud faking the orgasm. Many women do not know what an orgasm is, and yet the way that they carry on during the act, the man is convinced that he's a master lover who can satisfy her every time.

A very famous line from women is, “I act as if I'm enjoying it and tell him what he wants to hear.” The research shows that many women act as if they enjoy making love to their men, even though they do not, and only do it to satisfy his needs. Perhaps you've also heard the term 'Dutiful wife.' That's the woman who performs her wifely duties, for the Bible says that she should. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”

Unfortunately, with this submission comes relationship fraud, for many wives actually despise the act, but act as if they don't. But the most awful, terrible, egregious, unforgivable relationship fraud is paternity fraud. That term is being bandied about with such tongue wagging, media saturating, rumour mongering, DNA testing regularity, that it will soon become a catch phrase, if it hasn't already.

In reality it's simply a new phrase for an old type of relationship fraud, the good old-time jacket, where a 'father' is led to believe that the child is his, when in reality it's not. Remember the old calypso song,

' Woe is me, shame and scandal in the family

Yu daddy ain't yu daddy

But yu daddy don't know.'

This phenomenon of paternity fraud is nothing new, but has been gaining traction and taking centre stage on all media platforms from electronic, print, to social media. This is even brought more to a dubious prominence because of the DNA testing required by certain embassies to verify paternity when fathers submit visa applications for their children.

Many would-be fathers are shocked to learn that they are not the father of the child who he thought was his. This fraud can even be in the double digits, with more than one child being for another man. That surely gives new meaning to the term fraudulent conversion with compound interest.

During one of the radio discussions a few weeks ago, an ex-policeman called and lamented how he migrated to the USA and filed for his four children. Much to his shock, dismay and disbelief, the DNA results showed that only one of the four children was his.

He is not alone, for it's said that Jamaica is the jacket capital of the world, with over 38 per cent of men tested not being the biological fathers of their children. So much so that many people are calling for the DNA testing by embassies to be ceased to save men from further humiliation.

One politician is even calling for all babies born in Jamaica to be DNA-tested to prove paternity. Well intentioned as this may be, it's totally impractical, and expensive. Imagine spending $30,000 to test every single child born in Jamaica, every day, every week, every month? Do the math billions of dollars. Plus, women are creative, so paternity fraud will never cease.

Social anthropologist Professor Herbert Gayle has done extensive research on this subject. Here's what he says. “Giving jackets is a child shifting practice. Women do not usually set out to give men jackets. The primary reason they do so is related to poverty. If the biological father is too poor or too violent or unfit in some other way, a better father is selected.”

Even so, there are some women who are just plain bad. Just recently a lady friend of mine told me that her co-worker, who's married, continues to have other men on the side. Her cryptic words were, “Mi kip man wid mi husband.” When my friend cautioned her against the practice for fear of violence from the husband, the reply was, “Him haffi beat mi kill mi, for mi nah stop kip man wid him.”

That's how powerful the desire to commit bedroom relationship fraud is, even when faced with the prospect of violence or worse, death. They will not stop. So madness though you think it may be, there's method in it yet. Relationship fraud is a part of our make-up and Jamaicans seem to have cornered the market on it.

More time.

Footnote: Speaking of fraud and crime, it does seem that crime does pay in Jamaica, especially white collar crime. Nuff said. COVID is still with us and appears to be trending down, even though a fourth wave is anticipated early next year. What's interesting is that it's increasing in Europe where extensive lockdowns are now taking place. Even more interesting and baffling scientists is that the expected massive wave in Africa has not occurred, and many countries there are actually seeing a decline. This coronavirus is the master of deception.

Tony Robinson

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