You’ve asked and we’ve answered! Welcome to your weekly column ‘Planning Your Happily Ever After’ with wedding consultant Shikima Hinds.

One thing I find that people don’t talk about enough is how to handle expectations during the wedding planning process. Not just the couple’s but also their families, the vendors and even sometimes the industry professionals.

The wedding planning journey is such an exciting time, but it’s also filled with a lot of unknowns. All the dreamy images, articles and cut-outs have now provided a huge list of decisions.

Take a deep breath.

The reality is, since most couples have never done this before, their expectations are probably set by what they read in articles, see on social media or hear from those who have already planned a wedding.

The planning process should be fun, but there are two types of couples who need to navigate the planning stages: those who think the process is going to be very simple or the others who think it’s going to be the most stressful time of their life. Navigating this can be as simple or as complicated as you make it, the key (a very first step) is communication. Make sure you communicate your expectations with your fiancé, friends, family and, of course with your wedding vendors.

For the couple

It is really important to work through and think about your expectations for your wedding. You won’t get what you expect unless you take a little time to sit down and figure out what you’re really expecting to happen throughout the planning stages and on the wedding day. It’s incredibly important to make sure these objectives are realistic.

If you’re working with a planner, do stress what your expectations are, and too, the areas that are a big priority for you. This will help them to steer you in the right direction and make the planning process a lot more enjoyable. When you talk through your expectations with your planner you should have the opportunity to realise if your expectations are in fact possible, unrealistic, or simple and in fact ideal for your wedding. Here are some tips to make it all easier.

Step 1: Be upfront early

The more of these conversations you have upfront, the better your communication will be throughout your wedding planning as well as your entire marriage. Remember, it’s not just two people getting married. It’s also two families coming together as one, and I’m sure that various family members would like to share their thoughts and opinions freely. Keep in mind that every single family has different dynamics and works on different timelines. Once you and your partner feel confident that you know where everyone stands, then it’ll always be easy to move on to the next phases of the planning process.

Next Steps: The budget & guest list

Once you’ve talked through some of the hardest topics in the wedding planning process, the next step is to create your guest list and budget! These two tasks will set the tone for everything else in your planning process. It’s hard to know what things cost and where to even place your money. The very first thing to do when starting your planning is to sit down and do a budget. If you’re working with a planner, this makes managing the wedding finances a lot easier (they’ll do a budget up for you!). If you’re not, do some Google searching for some great templates to get you started. You’ll probably have to start collecting prices on what things are in your area before you can get a realistic idea of what a real budget even looks like.

• Define your needs versus your wants

Take some time to define your needs versus your wants and understand the difference between the two. You deserve to have everything you want on your special day, but there are only a few things that absolutely need to happen for the event to be a success. Identifying the differences between needs and wants can help you prioritise what must be accomplished.

• Steer clear of striving for total perfection

It’s perfectly normal to want everything on your wedding day to go perfectly. Setting extremely high expectations can lead to some disappointments without a flexible mindset early on. Designate a trusted family or friend you can rely on for support — they just want you to be happy! Let go of what you can’t control and embrace the authenticity of your day!

• Working with your vendors

Most wedding planners, and any other wedding vendor, have multiple weddings going on at the same time. Many couples expect that you can get a hold of your vendor any day, at any time. Most wedding vendors will be very straightforward on how long they will take to get back to e-mails or phonecalls and will do their best to be prompt. Most vendors work all weekend long and have a day off during the week, so be patient; remember that they are doing their best to take care of everybody in a timely manner and to get the service you deserve.

For the vendor

It’s equally important for vendors to help the client manage their expectations. Be very clear about the wedding product or service they’re paying for and explain the experience they have with you. The success of any business is when the reality of your product/service exceeds the client’s expectations. This also means delivering a good customer experience — the journey the couple takes with you from the time they retain your services until the time they finish working with you.

Remember, the couple has most likely never done this before. You want to ensure they understand what and how you will deliver your service and agrees to them with you. Otherwise, they will set their own expectations, which might not match reality. Here are some ways to set those expectations.

• Customise your communication plans

From the time they contact you until the end of their customer experience, the couple’s journey with you is managed by your communications with them. Therefore, it’s important that you create a communication plan.

• Start setting expectations early

I recommend discussing the major parts of their journey during the initial meeting. Make sure that you are on the same page and that your personalities match before they book your services.

• Keep them informed

This helps you to avoid them setting their own timelines that stray from yours. Getting things done on time, and smoothly, is one of the major reasons they hire a professional.

The bottom line

Sometimes your expectations can be out of this world; don’t worry, it’s not your fault. It could be because of the things that you may have seen on Pinterest, or perhaps because you may simply just not know what things cost. As you go along, you’ll discover what some of your wedding expectations are and maybe some will change, but that’s OK. Be firm, but nice. You may need to adjust variables or approach situations differently based on your own reality. I truly believe if it’s stressful then you’re probably not doing it right.

Your wedding day should be magical, but keep in mind it also is just one day. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or others that it all should be perfect. Think through and note the areas that are most important to you and make sure that, no matter what, they stay a part of your day. The rest is all just the cherry on top.