As the Yuletide party season approaches, I am somehow reminded of that Beastie Boys’ 1986 classic, (You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party!) from their breakthrough album, Licensed to Ill. I don’t know why. Except perhaps that I am always amused by the idea of there being inalienable rights associated with partying. And also, that there’s an actual need for people to fight for those rights.

But in some ways, I think I share the Beastie Boys’ sentiments. At least at the national level. These days, more than ever. As a country, we’re probably ranked up there with the best party countries in the world. I kind of think we must certainly rank in the Top Five. I was thinking about the surfeit of parties that are hosted within our borders each week. It’s amazing. Regardless of how our finances may take a beating, we always bounce back to buss di dance, don’t we? The prime minister hints at a new year so fraught with economic and social upheaval (it’s evidently so menacing, that whenever he’s given the opportunity to clue us in, not even he can bring himself to fully disclose how bad things have the potential to become). But do we care? Noooo. We simply want the opportunity to attend another session. (Did you see the TV news story about that promoter whose party licence was revoked by the police because their intelligence warned that there would be trouble? This guy very matter-of-factly informs us, John and Jane Public watching the news, that these kinds of sessions cost millions of dollars to mount and he’d lost a spitload. Really? Personally, I was flabbergasted. How is it that there are so many of them each week? Who finances them? Local banks? Foreign party-throwing syndicates? Will I ever be financially able to throw a multimillion-dollar fete? Would I do so, if I could, as against, say, going on a European cruise?)

Different strokes, as they say. The point is: Jamaica is a country of ‘let the music play’. Relentlessly so. Which, often despite the existence of a Noise Abatement Act, is what accounts for our national character, our joie de vivre, which unfortunately we haven’t yet found a way to bottle, but which inspires tourists to utter that nauseating and now — clichéd phrase: Jamaica — no problem, mon.

Not everybody is enamoured of us, though. Rights groups, for one. Specifically, gay rights groups. On the world stage, there is a perception — actually, it’s more than a perception; many hold it as gospel, and the assertion has appeared in print — that Jamaica is the most homophobic nation on the face of the earth.

(Yes, I know I’m supposed to be waxing eloquent about parties; forgive me, but I’ve always found that when elephants are present in the room, I’m unable to focus on partying.)

I’ve always thought that designation of Jamaica as the most homophobic place on earth a little unfair. True, I think there is intolerance in our society. Not a good thing because intolerance breeds insecurity, which, unless I’m mistaken, goes against the basic human rights of our citizens. Sexual identity and orientation ought to be the prerogative of the individual. In this country, where holy ghost-filled believers will turn a blind eye to the fornicators and adulterers who fill church pews each Sunday morning, many gay people remain in the closet not so much out of fear of violence being visited upon them, but often to avoid societal judgement, ridicule, and disapproval. In short, indignities. The much-referred-to violence is, more often than not, gay-on-gay. Still, intolerance is just as big a problem. I’ve seen people snigger, make disgusted faces, become filled with ire, at the mention of homosexual-related topics. Someone I thought I knew once confessed to me that he’d prefer his son becoming a murderer than a homosexual. I’ve had to dodge a gay author and editor whose book, a collection of gay writing from the Antilles, I could find no-one willing to review.

So let’s not feign innocence and a purity of heart about things: hostile environments take different forms. I’ve heard, for example, Jamaicans who’ve migrated to North America and England express the view that the most insidious kind of racism is the type that professes not to be there.

That said, however, sometimes I wonder how the reputation for homophobia has dogged us in this way. Journalists, I think, are partly to blame. When reporting news about a homosexual slain by his lover’s hand, there’s so much abstraction and vagueness present in news copy. Lots of winks and nods. Often, the families are being considered. But people who aren’t from prominent families are reported about with impunity, every day of the week, and their malfeasances exposed. So why not gay people? A gay person is killed and the facts about the slaying are shrouded in secrecy and innuendo. Nobody wants to “talk up the t’ings”. This is what has helped to foster the notion that Jamaicans will, unprovoked, kill gay people. A friend of mine who, this past New York Fashionweek, met one of the muses of America’s Next Top Model, reports the flamboyant homosexual retorted, when an off-the-cuff invitation was extended to him to come to Jamaica, “Oh no, honey, your country doesn’t like my kind.”

I wonder, though, if Jamaica bashers are gearing up for an epic fight with Uganda, which seems to be flying below the radar despite the tabling of an Anti-Homosexuality Bill in their parliament. Imagine, state-inspired/sanctioned homophobia! A bill sanctioning imprisoning and even executing gays, and punishing people who don’t report known or suspected homosexuals, among other things. In fact, from as early as 1999, Uganda’s President Museveni told a conference on reproductive health: “I have told the CID [Criminal Investigations Department] to look for homosexuals, lock them up and charge them.” Several people were jailed in the wake of this.

(At the recent Commonwealth summit in Trinidad, by the way, hardly a word was even breathed about this flagrant human rights abuse by a country that is happily ensconced within the fold; the outgoing chair of the organisation.)

How about them apples, rights groups? Or don’t you have strength for countries that actually do victimise gays? Maybe you should reconsider what ‘boom bye bye’ really means.

Now, Mr Selector, Christmas is almost here. Mek we forget weighty issues. Can you please play the music?