VALENTINE’S Day has a way of shrinking love down to roses, reservations and relationship statuses. But the kind of love women need, the kind they deserve to be swimming in, is so much bigger than candlelight and couples’ photos.

As Valentine’s Day approaches this weekend, real love is worth looking outside those rose-coloured lens. “Love isn’t just something to be received from a partner. It’s something to expect, to practice, to protect and to build, whether it’s in your friendships, in your family, your community, and even within yourself,” said Life Coach Beth-Ann Falconer.

Here’s the kind of love she said women should be getting, giving and hoping for this Valentine’s.

Love that feels safe

This is the kind of love that not thrilling just because it’s unpredictable, and not intoxicating because it’s chaotic. It’s the kind of love that makes you feel safe.

“Seek love that doesn’t make you feel anxious about your worth, love that doesn’t require shrinking, editing, or over-explaining yourself, and love that doesn’t punish your honesty,” Falconer said.

She said every woman deserves love where her nervous system can rest, where the phrase, ‘I need…” is met with listening, and not defensiveness from her partner.

Love that celebrates, not competes

Women are often taught to measure themselves against each other in that wild climb up the corporate ladder, but Falconer says the love we need counters that.

“This is the love of female friendship that feels like oxygen, the love that forwards opportunities, shares information, and refuses to weaponise insecurity,” Falconer said. “And we give it by noticing envy without feeding it, by clapping loudly, and by recommending each other in rooms we’re not in.”

Love that respects boundaries

Love is not giving full access of youself to just anyone, and it’s not being a martyr or seeing how much you can endure.

“Women are socialised to be accommodating, but healthy love honours boundaries without punishment,” Falconer said. “There are no guilt trips, no silent treatment and no emotional manipupation.”

And, she said, “giving love means respecting other people’s limits too, and not demanding constant availability, not taking distance personally, and not expecting self-sacrifice as proof of care.”

Love that sees the whole person

“Women deserve love that sees their ambition and the exhaustion, the strength and the softness, the caregiving and the craving to be cared for,” Falconer said.

“Too often, women are loved for what they provide. But real love is curious. It asks, ‘Who are you becoming?’ It supports dreams that don’t directly benefit it.”

She added: “And in giving love, we practice seeing other women beyond their labels, and not just ‘the strong one’, ‘the mom friend’, ‘the single one’, or ‘the career woman’.”

Love that is honest

Women are often encouraged to smooth things over to keep peace. But real love tolerates discomfort.

“Giving love means having hard conversations, not smiling while resentment builds,” said Falconer.

Love from within

Self-love isn’t just spa days and affirmations, it’s leaving what harms you, resting without earning it and speaking kindly to yourself when you fail, Falconer said.

“As Valentine’s Day approaches, maybe the real question is not asking, ‘Who loves me?, but ‘Where am I tolerating less than love?‘“

Love that builds community

Beyond romance, women need collective love from other women, the kind that texts, ‘Did you get home safe?’, the kind that shares resources and childcare and contacts and couches.

“This Valentine’s doesn’t have to be about whether someone buys you flowers. It can be about who checks on you, who defends you, who tells the truth, who prays for you, advocates for you and invests in you,” Falconer said.

“If there’s any hope to carry into this season, it should be that women should expect love that is steady, respectful and expansive. That’s the kind of love worth hoping for.”