I first heard this phrase as a young worker, obeyed my heart and helped a friend; I lost my savings and my friend. He convinced me that “it’s only money”. I felt guilty, gave in, yet he took my money and felt no guilt. I was confused! These are three cruel words. Has anyone said them to you? Are you working your “soulcase” out and a person who wants to get at your wallet, yanks your chain with these words? This phrase defines a person and can ruin a relationship. Do you use it? Recently I was musing about a prospect presented by a friend. He used the phrase and my mind went back to some bad memories and I told him no. I thought about my reaction. Was I mean, risk-averse and unfriendly? Or not? Hear me out before you judge! I then examined this phrase.

This phrase signals the speaker’s attitude to you and your money. When used to reassure a friend whose deal has crashed, it’s welcome; when used by someone to get your money it’s an abuse of your friendship and trust. It can also morph into a trick and add insult to injury. I sacrificed to help a friend and when next I saw him he had a shiny new car. He had sorted his mortgage crisis without my cash, was to return it, but saw “a steal” and used it to pay down on the car! He said, as I had lent him the money already it shouldn’t matter to me how he spent it. It did! My money bought a car I could not afford! Would I have sacrificed for a car? I don’t think so! Was this his true plan? Maybe! I was a faffin’ fool and unfortunately it will happen again as I still trust my friends! What about you?

Can your hard-earned cash be “only money”? The con man uses this phrase to objectify “money”, to put space between you and it. He may also say “friend better than money”, or “you can’t take it with you” to distance and relieve you of your cash. He may seem calm; an impartial, disinterested person, but he is in a state of anxiety to get his hands on your money. Like Usain Bolt in the starting blocks, his calm is only on the outside!

The word “only” is the hook! It is used to qualify money, to diminish or downplay its significance, make it seem unimportant. He disarms you and then pounces, “Gotcha!”. As the fisherman baits the hook, he “plays” you in this cynical mind game. This “ginnal” has nothing and at worst he will leave as he came, with nothing; but you could lose a lot. He knows if he gets you talking, the game is on; you are in play, may make a snap decision, take the hook in haste, out of conscience or frustration and regret it at leisure. This game is so effective you may give him your money knowing you are being conned. Creepy! So, how do you deal with this matter? Before that, let’s look at money.

What is money? Money is scarce; but it’s not gold and we all can get it – just swop our labour for money. It’s a choice. When a man says, “Baas, me jus waan a munny me nuh waan nuh slavr’y,” he speaks the truth. He chooses not to work and has no money; you choose to work, have money and he wants some. You may be conflicted, he is not! The economist says money claims goods and services; to the parson it’s the “root of all evil”. Money is precious as it is your labour, ingenuity and enterprise yet others lust after it. Some may tell you “money can’t buy life”- so what? Neither can godliness, fame or power. The con man seems to hold money in low esteem yet wants to get yours. Why? The man who has no money loves it the most. My money is my labour. My saving or property is the portion I store for a rainy day – I did not win a lotto or get “dead-lef”. Did you? Feel no guilt about holding on to your money. It’s your labour! Would you work three months for that person for free? If not, is he worth the equivalent of three months’ labour. No, siree!

So, how do you deal with “it’s only money”? Man or woman, sophisticated, pretty or macho, many “ginnals” are out there. A con is a process. This friend/con man watches you; is well prepared as he chooses the time and place to pounce – when you are most vulnerable. He may outgun you so don’t be cocksure, as half the battle is “be prepared” – to be busy or distracted may be fatal. If approached, just listen, say “let me think about it” and no more! If you say “no!” it’s an opening for him to talk and wear you down. Keep your mouth shut and like the fish, you won’t be caught! Later, tell him the “no!” preferably by phone or with a witness; he wants you in private as your friend may be his next mark. No way! He may say, “Cho, look how much we talk about your problems.” Talk is cheap compared to money; or “Oh, you may need my help one day.” This is rubbish! It will be a cold day in hell before this wanker can help you or lend you money!

Every day as I park my car Tony is around. This day he told me his “good fortune”; he saw a fishing boat and needed “a likkle help” to buy it. He never fished, had no money but swore this deal would “make him a man!”. He needed cash quickly as “anedda bredda did a rush it!” Was his ” fortune” the boat? Or access to my money? Help to me means he has most and needs a “tups” to reach the price. Help to Tony means I must put up all the cash! Have you noticed this? Tony was proud, would only work for himself. I worked for “Babylon”, but not him, yet he loved my Babylon money! I gave it thought and said no. He was crestfallen, then aggressive, then surly and finally “fake-friendly”. He said, “Cho, Baas, is ongle munny, let off pon de dread!” My brain went into lockdown, No way, José! No more guilt trip for me, you diss me and my hard labour, my money so, “Screw you!”

This phrase pops up in business too. I have some “business angels”, High Net Worth persons who invest in projects on my say-so. Even with a good business plan, the person’s character is important to them. They would not invest in someone who even thinks “its only money” as he disrespects the work and enterprise of those who earned the money and it won’t be used well or wisely! You can’t manage money (or people or a factory) if you do not respect it! Money is stored labour and is never “only money”. Stay conscious, my friend!

Dr Franklin Johnston is an international project manager with Teape-Johnston Consultants, currently on assignment in the UK.

franklinjohnston@hotmail.com