THROUGHOUT life I have been amazed at the things we have “captured” as “fully Jamaican”, whether real or imagined. Many of these beliefs have had an element of truth, while others have taken on a mythological life of their own, and have now become larger than the truth itself. (I am not referring to our political apparatus and players, as their belief of their own invincibility, importance, and control has little or no credibility, with the exception of a few fanatical supporters.)

I have also been convinced that we discovered the world of nutritious and great-tasting fruits, vegetables, and other biological species, until I visited Thailand and went into a local market in Bangkok. There I saw an array of mangoes of the same varieties we claim, such as Bombay, East Indian, Blackie, and Hairy, to name a few. I also saw naseberries, plantains, coconuts, bananas, June plums, sweetsops, soursops, coolie plums, guavas, and yes, “stinkin toe”. Needless to say, my Jamaican ego received a liberal dose of cold water.

After decades of defending the concept that Columbus did not discover Jamaica, and in fact, that the peaceful Arawak Indians were not lost, I have been subsequently informed that there were no Arawaks here at all. New knowledge now says that the people whom old Chris met were in fact Tainos. I hope that he and his crew knew that, for if there are any late paternity suits, or reparations for the destruction of these peaceful people, we would have to identify who the claimants really were. The only thing certain is that they were here before the Europeans. So in addition to bearing the canings administered to my classmates and me, we should claim reparations against the writers of history books. We will have to change our National Coat of Arms as well.

There seem to be so few truths of economic importance or any social or scientific value in contrast to myths that I have decided to list a few. So starting with truths:

* A white Jamaican born in Trelawny did introduce Elizabeth Barrett to Robert Browning, at Oxford.

* Black River did have electricity before New York.

* The first motor car landed in Jamaica at the wharf in Black River.

* There were white slaves.

* Henry Morgan, the notorious pirate, was appointed governor of Jamaica (but this did not necessarily set a precedent for ongoing qualities of governance).

* Dr TP Lecky did develop a new breed of cattle in Jamaica to accommodate climatic effects on production. This has seemingly been abandoned in Jamaica, although the exported breed is extensively used in New Zealand.

* Lemon grass (Fever grass) is extensively used in the cuisine of South-east Asia.

The myths are also very entertaining when told in bars, over dominoes, or while watching important sporting events on television. So here we go again; as they say, the truth is stranger than fiction:

* National Heroine, Nanny of the Maroons, is said to have been a ferocious and cunning warrior. It is noted that she reportedly fired cannonballs at the enemy with the assistance of her private parts. I am suitably daunted as a man because in our own parlance “dat deh was woman”. In the question of marriage, perhaps only the statue erected at Independence Park could have been up to the task.

* National Hero Sir Alexander Bustamante has so many references to his varied early and formative life that I am confused at even the transition of his last name from Clarke to Bustamante. In light of the current political electoral petitions on citizenship, did he swear allegiance to a foreign power in his war activities in the service of Spain?

* Usain Bolt’s performance is due to the large quantities of Trelawny yam which reputedly formed an integral dietary component. This conclusion bears no comparative evidence of genetic characteristics, skeletal or muscle formation, or of training techniques. If we believed our own myth, we should be marketing and shipping thousands of tons of “Trelawny yam” “to the world”!

* Having sex with a virgin will cure venereal diseases is perhaps one of our most dangerous myths to public safety.

There is the belief about “brand Jamaica” which is a popular way of addressing the large impact we have had in world events, in particular sports and culture, and culinary traditions. But a brand is more than talk and conjecture, especially if it applies to different services and products. A brand speaks directly to the particular, and Jamaica speaks to the generic origin, so yam products and sporting goods will need to have very different names. Food brands recognised as Jamaican include Grace, WalkersWood, Pickapeppa, and Busha Browne. We are yet to produce any brand relating to the sporting world markets to potentially rival Nike, Adidas, or Puma.

Reggae remains our single Jamaican brand, which is to some extent fragmented by dancehall (a name not of own origin). The concept of fragmentation suggests that this may not be a healthy marketing development, and perhaps the concept of brand extension may be more advantageous. We need the private sector to think this through and act accordingly, rather than continue the rhetoric. Brand Jamaica is only a concept; we need saleable goods and services that are applicable beyond our shores.

These are a few of our common myths that lend credence to our own invincibility. Even as we continue to debate the singular extradition matter, we are blissfully unaware of related events taking place. Operation Tradewinds 2010 is underway, from Port Royal. This maritime military activity is under the cooperation and sponsorship of the USA. This involves Jamaica, the USA, Britain, and 14 other regional partners, and seeks to develop skills in interception, communication, and surveillance techniques. It will also see the provision of more modern equipment including high-speed interceptor boats, and command communications interlinked with the US Command.

This joint military exercise has been taking place for many years, and is designed to better enforce illegal maritime activities, especially trafficking and transporting narcotics. This in a country where we are challenging a treaty which we signed in furtherance of this goal. This must also be one of the myths of “sovereignty” where we have our cake and eat it. A further mythical coincidence is that the exercises are taking place from a point which is less than two miles away from Tivoli Gardens. Hug up that!

On Saturday, April 17, 2010 the Gleaner reported that “Britons like Jamaican school system”. There is no doubt that will be a fillip to our presently sagging collective ego. It will probably be followed up by competing claims from both political parties that the “international glory” is due to their respective policies. No one will remember the confrontations regarding overcrowded classrooms, poorly remunerated teachers, inadequately qualified personnel, and an inability to produce high literacy levels, let alone do well in external examinations. Gone are the criticisms of our inability to speak English or do mathematics. All is well, the foreign visitors say so, and we must all bask in the glory of international acclaim.

But beware of a loss in the translation. I am reminded of a story of Canadian consultants (sorry to pick on our friends) who came to evaluate our educational needs, with a view to offering aid. On returning to their native land they reported that Jamaica had the most educated population in the world, and therefore needed no help or funding.

The senior minister demanded to hear how the head consultant had come to such a ridiculous conclusion. The consultant’s response was, “They are so well educated that the average man in the street is able to converse fluently in Latin.” He continued, “During a visit to Caymanas Park he had not stayed in the box, but had gone to the paddock area so as to better observe the ordinary Jamaican.” He carefully observed two men studying complicated performance statistics, and deciding that the horse in the third race, Brutus, would be an easy winner. Accordingly, armed with the careful analysis, they placed a sizeable bet.

True to form, as the horses entered the final straight, Brutus was in the clear, five lengths in front, when it appeared that the jockey had intentionally pulled him up, and he finished dead last. Sadly, as they tore up their worthless tickets, one of the men remarked to the other in excellent Latin: “R**S Pardi, Brutus F*** us.” It’s all in the translation.