Dear TEENage,

Deep down in my heart… somewhere really deep down… I guess I love my sister. However, at this precise moment, I cannot muster enough love to fill a teaspoon. I’ve gone past the mark of annoyed… all I can see now is red. My sister keeps borrowing my things, without asking for it. I’ve grown past the stage of being shocked when I go out and see her in a blouse that I just bought or a bag that I absolutely adore. I’ve ignored her and her actions, but it seems like the more I do, the worse she gets. Just the other day I bought a make-up set. One I’ve been saving for quite a while now. Only to find her in my room one day, chastising me for buying the wrong one and at the same time, applying a colour to her face. The nerve she has! I’ve tried to talk to my Mom and Dad about it, but they fan off my complaints, claiming that’s just how she is. I am this close to screaming at the top of my lungs! How do I get her out of my space?

Fuming Quietly

Dear Fuming Quietly,

Your initial mistake was to ignore your sister and her actions. The fact that you ignored her, gave her power. Ironically, you gave her the permission to do all she’s doing now, because you did not correct her from the beginning. Fortunately, your mistake is one that can be rectified, and must. Immediately.

Don’t decide to forbid her from borrowing anything that is yours, as you cannot predict the future. Who’s to tell that you might need to borrow something from her too? Therefore, what you can do is erect borrowing rules. Sit down with her, and talk to her. Tell her how you feel about her borrowing your things and not asking and express to her your annoyance as calmly as possible. Be firm in your disciplining. If you show one sign of weakness, she’ll pounce and you’ll be forever stuck in this position. It wouldn’t be recommended to close your room door to her. As that will only fuel her desire to invade your space. Show her that you trust her and you’re willing to share if she co-operates. If she is unwilling to follow your rules, then you have no choice but to ban her. However, explore all your options to compromise before going that route.

Your parents have opted to stay out of this sisterly squabble, and that’s a good thing. You girls are supposed to be able to work things out between yourselves. There’s a bond that should be present that should erase all ill feelings towards each other. Work on that bond. It’s one you’ll grow to love and appreciate. Good luck!

TEENage Advice Team