WITH all this rumbling about the world’s end, this may be my final column in the Observer, so I use this opportunity to thank all my readers for your support over the years.

Some people might think I would jump at this opportunity to make a million and one wise cracks about the prophecy, but if you know me, you will not expect this to happen. I do not make fun of religion or religious matters. I was raised on the Bible and its teachings, and as sinful as I have become, certain jokes I will not run.

I will poke fun at politicians for sure; they’re naturally silly in real life; can be voted out or brought to shame, so they’re easy pickings. My family and friends, cho, they will love me regardless of how I ridicule them and publicise their shortcomings, but the Big Man, JC from upstairs…. no sir.

If it is His will, let it be done. People laughed at Noah and his ark and when the flood waters swept them up and the laughing stopped, it was too late to get a window seat in cabin four on the poop deck. So as much as LA Lewis’s relative might not have seemed to be making much sense on the TV programme, I am living and loving out the next couple of days like it’s nobody’s business… just in case.

Some people are advocating the giving up of all earthly possessions to others in preparation for the world ending, but I will do no such thing. If we are all going to be dissolved, what are those people going to need my earthly possessions for? This is my reasoning, and mind you, I could be wrong as heck, but nobody will be around to say so anyway, so I ramble on.

Another body of wisdom suggests that we sit around and have deep debates about the situation and wallow in despair and panic. I am not subscribing to that either. What would be the point of that exercise? The only guarantee we got at birth was that we were going to be leaving this earth someday, so this is given fact.

It’s not like a hurricane is coming and I can get board, nails and a piece of tarp and batten down. There will be no rock to run under, so why waste precious hours worrying about the unavoidable? I plan to go on living and making future plans until Massah God comes for His world and His chosen people.

I only hope I’m in the chosen bunch because the forever suffering that the Bible speaks of whenever hell is mentioned doesn’t sound like it will agree with my system at all. Not even the taxation, outrageous utility bills, crime or corrupt politicians that have tortured me for the majority of my adult life could prepare my body for that.

Can you imagine me without a nice party to go to on a weekend? I would lose my mind in a day and start eating my wigs. So please pray that I’m among the righteous on that fateful morn. Besides, I want to see some of my family members to tell them off properly when I get to Heaven. How come they never appeared in any of my dreams and gave me lottery numbers or scared off people who meant me harm? Wait til mi si dem! Judgement day indeed up deh!

If we are still around after the proposed final day, I invite you to come celebrate my birthday with me on Sunday, May 22 from 9:00 pm. At O’Neil’s Place, 33 Hagley Park Road (the plaza right by the Woodglen stop light). White and jeans is the theme and only five hundred dollars gets you in.

Electra, Rodrick Howell, Turbo Crown and Kingston All Stars will provide the musical riot with little to no talking. Check out the flyer on Partyholics.net or FunInJamaica.net. It is a Portmore Society- and Fame95-endorsed event. God bless you all!

elvachatalot@yahoo.com or follow on Twitter @ElvaJamaica.