Now we have shown our power,

Let us seem humbler,

After it is done.

— Shakespeare, Coriolanus, 11, 2

Thus far our future keeps an upward course,

And we are graced with wreaths of victory.

— Shakespeare, 3 Henry, VI, V, 3

IT was while listening to FAME FM’s Uncensored a few weeks ago that I heard this lively discussion about the power of the penis versus that of the vagina. For some strange reason, many people seem to blanch and squirm whenever the names of those two organs of the human body are mentioned. And yet, they are essential to life itself, for barring In-Vitro Fertilisation, artificial insemination or test tube babies, the future of the human race hinges on those two organs getting together.

But still there is a taboo regarding the names, with many persons giving them silly labels whenever their young children ask curious questions. Birds and the bees, my foot, the stork indeed; tell the child the truth and stop using what you think are polite euphemisms. “No Momma, it’s not called a teapot, it’s a penis…I googled it on the Internet.”

But the theme today is not about names, for we already know what ridiculous monikers are given to those vital organs, but more about the duel for power and ultimate victory that has been taking place from the dawn and ascent of man.

Men think that they hold power with their penis, but women are usually the ones who are victorious with their vagina. This we’ll examine right after these letters responding to ‘If women ruled the world’ and ‘Husbands.’

Hi Teerob,

Oh, I would love to see that day, when women ruled their homes and the world at large. What a place it would be! Men would begin to feel what it’s like to be ‘inferior’. They would then learn the true meaning of respect and start giving it, and like Shaggy says, they would feel the strength of a woman. I look forward to reading your columns in the Observer. I must commend you on your good work. I tell you, you are one unpredictable gentleman, I’m never able to tell the topic coming up for the next discussion. Kudos!!!

Anella

Hey Tony,

If women ruled the world, it would be Utopia if we had our way.

MitzyAnn

Hey Mr T,

Regarding your article on Husbands, multitasking is a foreign word to them. If they just change the kitty litter they need a beer and a nap. When they take out the garbage, they need to announce it…every time. Their idea of cleaning the house involves wiping their feet on the doormat. When they get sick, they’re sure no one has ever been sicker. Every cold is the flu, every headache a migraine, every pain a life-threatening condition. They need sleep, soup, love and the remote. Give me a break…please.

Ava

Power is a strange and complex thing, they say, for power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Just ask any politician… sorry, don’t ask them, for they won’t know. And yet history has proven that it’s not necessarily the person with the power who is always victorious. In many cases, stealth and subterfuge will achieve victory over a powerful opponent.

The story of David and Goliath is a classic example of power falling before the guile and stealth, plus the unerring aim of a small youth with a slingshot. Men seem to think that they have power in their pants, and yet history has proven that more men have fallen to the wiles of women, than the other way around. And yet women are called the weaker sex.

The mighty Samson was a case in point. Despite his great muscles, thews and loins, he was done in by the power of the vagina. History is replete with similar stories of great men brought to their knees by that power. And yet men still feel a sense of pride and conquest when they eventually get to bed a woman whom they were pursuing. They actually think that they won the game, when in truth, it’s the woman who allowed him in. It should be the other way around.

More men have lost fame and fortune in the pursuit of the vagina than women have lost vaginas in the pursuit of fame and fortune. Whenever bombs, bullets or knives fail to vanquish a warlord, just send in the young women of beauty, and armed with their unseen power of the P, watch him crumble before her. He won’t even realise what hit him, and will even think that he is loved too, and not just being played. And yet, men still fail to grasp this concept.

I’m sure that you know of at least one man who has lost much, all to the power that a ‘mere woman’ has to defeat him. “My word, look how the big, strong, smart, intelligent man make the woman conquer him and take everything he had.” I know of a few myself, seemingly powerful men with giant phalluses, or so they boasted, brought down by a mere snippet of a young girl, barely out of high school.

And that’s another thing, men are so hung up on this size issue and the power of the penis, that they really think that the power comes with the size. Okay, let’s face it, no one wants a baby shrimp on the barbie, but average will work just fine. If that was not the case, many men who were not well endowed would not get any women, and men who were hung like horses would get all the girls in the world…and keep them too.

How come women aren’t overly concerned about the size of their vaginas and go boasting about it? Well, on second thought, I have seen where women have written the advice columns, very concerned that they were too big and asking if there were ways to reduce the size. And if I’m not mistaken, I do recall seeing some adverts in the press about some sort of concoction guaranteed to bring it back to its original size. They were being sold in bottles downtown, but the clientele came from all over.

I even saw a letter to Dear Pastor where this woman put a curse on her rival, wishing that her organ would become so large that her husband would leave her and she would have him. We are a strange and wonderful people; imagine, putting a hex on someone’s private parts to make it bigger so that their man would leave them. Oh if men could find that recipe for their organ, many would be happy.

But men think that penis is power, and they wield this with gusto and aplomb. Just drive to our north coast tourist region and you’ll see those carvings of nude men with their gigantic penises standing at attention before them. We are not alone in this, as other countries also have similar carvings and statues, but ours get plenty cussing.

Women would never have such carvings of their private parts, displaying their organs like that, for they know that true power does not have to be advertised or displayed, but comes silently from years of experience. The French have a term for it, the ’eminence grise’ the force behind the force, the real power. With all this power that men think that their penis has, how come women don’t give away their fortunes for it? And how come men will pay thousands of dollars to see nude and semi-nude women gyrate on stage or swing from a pole, even though they don’t even show their vaginas? Just a hint or a promise, a suggestion of its existence is all it takes to win over a man.

And even in the dark realms of prostitution, who is really victorious? The man who has forked over thousands of dollars that could be used for essentials, or the woman who just gave him a few moments of feigned pleasure, moaned and groaned like she really enjoyed it, and walked away, smiling all the way to the bank? Now you tell me, who had the power, and who was victorious in that situation? Plus, a man can flop, and there’s no refund if he does.

If you really think about it, there is no power in the penis, at least not in the long term, although scientists have purported for years that women have penis envy. This illusion of power is perpetuated in the media and through product names for condoms, drinks and soups. Slam, Rough Rider, Trojan, Stagger Back, Put it Back, Magnum, Mannish Water and others. Tell me what names are given to the vaginal products and the vagina, even though it is always more victorious than the penis? I have never heard the term, ‘Penis mad har,’ yet we have all heard the words, ‘p…m p…m mad him.”

Yes sir, it has driven him crazy, or drove him to drink, or he went stark raving mad over the P. Yes, the power of the P is legendary, and smart women know this. No wonder murder-suicide is so frequent, it’s the victory of the vagina over the penis, and the stupid man with the penis is the loser.

A woman will use it to get her man, and when she has him, she will use it to keep him, and when she’s kept him, she will use it to keep him in check, make him happy, make him yearn, keep him satisfied, make him lust. Now what penis on earth, whatever the size, length or girth, can do all those things to a woman? So now you see who is victorious.

And sadly, one day the penis will sputter and die, the dragon will walk no more, and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, laden with Viagra, will not be able to put it back together again. But the vagina will last forever. Oh the texture may change somewhat, but it will definitely outlast the penis. And that is the victory of the vagina over the power of the penis. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Here we go again, making and breaking records in track and field. Jamaica is the first and only country in the world to have all 100 metres sprint titles for all ages and all levels in males. We now have: The gold medal in the World Youth Olympics, Odeen Skeen; The World Youth Championships, Odail Todd; The World Junior Championships, Dexter Lee; The Commonwealth Games, Lerone Clarke; The World Championships, Usain Bolt and The Olympics, Usain Bolt. We are the first and only country to ever achieve this. How come that fact is not trumpeted on CNN, ESPN, BBC, ABC and other world news? It should also be put in the Guinness Book of Records. Plus Asafa Powell has the most sub-10 seconds 100 metres times of any human being in the history of track and field. Truly, we are a great nation in many areas and many are jealous.