But love is blind,

And lovers cannot see

The pretty follies

That themselves commit.

— Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice II, 6

THIS blindness often leads to the making of insane decisions, such as jumping headlong into a relationship without making the right checks and balances. The proof of the pudding is in the eating, it is said. And yet, many people still assume that the pudding will taste good just because it looks great.

Don’t buy puss inna bag; careful you don’t get a six for a nine; you might swap black dog for monkey; caveat emptor, buyer beware; mind yu pick up tack; see me and come live with me are different things; never buy sight unseen; it’s the old bait and switch scam.

All those sayings caution us against acquiring anything without checking it out first. This applies to the simplest purchase, such as fruit or vegetables which buyers scrutinise, feel up feel up, poke and prod, sniff, before they make the final decision.

Even when people are buying a bread or bun they touch and squeeze it up first to test if it’s soft and fresh. I once saw a lady poke and prod a whole chicken in the supermarket, examining between the wings and legs, neck and rump. As she tested and sniffed all the parts, I asked her: “Lady, could you pass that test?” Well, she certainly left in a huff after she gave me a dirty look.

The point is, people are so careful before they acquire anything… except each other. That’s where the blindness comes in, and that’s where the proof of the pudding is most important.

We’ll find out who eats pudding, right after these responses to ‘Water woes’.

Hi Tony,

It seems that water water everywhere but not a drop to drink applies to Kingston and St Andrew only, and not the rest of Jamaica. My investigation revealed that there are between 60 and 70 significant rivers and tributaries running across the island and coursing their way to the sea, but not across Kingston and St Andrew. If only the geniuses had the will and incentive to direct and store some of the water from a nearby river in another parish, there would be no shortage in Kingston.

Carl

Hey Anthony,

Well, we had four days of hard rain, the Hermitage Dam is full, and Mona Reservoir is filling up. We’re almost back to normal, but not yet. So what do the experts do regarding those supplied by Mona? They immediately lift the restrictions before the reservoir is almost full. Why not ease into it gently until more water gets in? In a few months’ time we’ll be back to restrictions again.

Patricia

Here’s a little story of caveat emptor, buyer beware, that impacted on us. My wife and I bought a leather sofa a few years ago thinking that it was a good deal. After all, leather is supposed to be tough and durable as it’s used to make shoes and boots.

Well, it’s not the same thing. After a few months the couch started to strip. Yes, leather is dyed. So after much backing and forthing, the store exchanged it for a different model. Well, enter the monkey for the black dog, for after less than a year, that new sofa started to strip and peel also. When we Googled ‘leather couch problems’ we were amazed to see the thousands of crosses that people experience with leather couches. Never again will we buy a leather couch. Caveat emptor.

That was the first time we had bought anything of that magnitude without doing the proper research and investigation before, and we certainly paid the price, buying puss in a leather bag. People usually take time and make the effort to check out major purchases before they close the sale.

When you’re buying a car, you spend weeks before, checking the specs, testing this and testing that, even calling in your mechanic before taking it for a test drive.

As for buying a house, the background checks and research rival that of historians researching ancient civilisations. And so it should be. After all, they are both major investments that we will have to live with for a very long time.

And yet, this is often not done when people are taking a potential partner to spend the rest of their lives with. “You just met the girl two weeks now and planning wedding already?”

“Well, she have nice boobs.”

Now, let me make this clear, I am not one of those people who believe in marriage before testing the goods first. Many women look hot and sexy, many men appear to be studs and also look stable and mature, but the proof of the pudding is in the eating. And Jamaicans love to eat.

How can you just meet someone and without spending any serious quality time with them, decide to take the plunge into marriage? When I say serious quality time, I really meant sexual quality time, not necessarily length of time. Yes, I believe in sex before marriage. If not, you may be doomed to no sex after marriage.

All the experts say that sex plays a very important part in marriage. Sexual compatibility is of paramount importance. That’s why honeymoons are so special. And yet there are people who will make that most important horse trading transaction without mounting the mare first.

When buying a horse, great pain is taken to examine all the parts, including the teeth, to make sure it’s healthy. That’s why they say, “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” as it’s considered an insult to the giver to do so. Then finally the horse is ridden.

Yet, people are expected to get married without taking a canter around the track. What madness is that? This has led to disaster in many marriages, as the honeymoon becomes a very unpleasant experience. You can see from the advice columns and even personal observation that sexual problems are rife.

“My word, I buy puss inna bag and pick up tack… she don’t like sex.” So many couples have discovered that they are totally incompatible sexually… then it’s too late.

Had they done a series of test runs before, done the due diligence as they would have before buying a house or car, then both would know if they were sexually compatible or not. I’m not advocating promiscuity, for that, too, has its attendant problems. Too much pudding can cloy you, but even when buying fine wine you take a sip first before acquiring the bottle.

Some men like it a lot, as do some women. But there are men who don’t, and women who don’t also. The trick is to put the likes with the likes and the don’t likes with the don’t likes. Here’s where like poles attract.

Put the likes with the don’t likes and that marriage is doomed from the start. Remember, it’s all relative.

“Honey, do you like sex a lot?”

“Of course Baby, every month is great for me.”

It’s like buying condoms. Four packs of three may last some men four nights, but others 12 months.

All men are not created equal, in spite of what the wise men say. Some men are too big, others too small, many are just right. As are some women. Imagine a woman’s shock and horror to discover on her wedding night that she married a horse. Or conversely that she married a mouse. “Honey, is that the size it’s supposed to be?”

The fact is, there are people who are totally incompatible sexually, physically and emotionally, and only by testing the water will you know if it’s too hot or too cold. I’m not advocating sin, but if you plan to settle down with that significant other, be aware that the proof of the pudding is in the eating.

I even have parson friends, recently married, who whispered to me that they tasted of the forbidden fruit before they made the final purchase. “I have faith, brother, but I also have common sense.”

Enjoy your pudding.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Those who do not heed the mistakes of the past are doomed to repeat them. I find it so strange that we are asked to put the annals of slavery behind us and look to the future through rose-tinted glasses like it never happened.

In the same breath, we are told to never forget the atrocities that the Jews went through. I have to respect the Jews’ stance, for they continually remind us of the horrors of their history, so that “It will never happen again.”

Slavery was also horrible, maybe even more so, yet we are told to sweep it under the carpet, smile and move on. People don’t even like to hear about it, saying, “Oh, don’t talk about those things, that’s ancient history.” We should do what the Jews do, have constant reminders through movies and books, never forget, so that those responsible feel some degree of shame. We should not be ashamed of our past. It wasn’t our fault.