teenAGErs and young people have relationship issues too. They have questions, and their peers have opinions. But are there any answers?She asks, he answers‘ we ask girls for questions they have about sex and relationships, and their male peers respond. Experienced adults (Been There, and Done That) then give their take to try and help the young lady. The views expressed are not those of teenAGE or the Jamaica Observer.teenage.observer@gmail.com with your age and the question. It will be done anonymously.

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She asks: “My question is basically why boys expect girls to dress differently when they’re with them. Even when they liked us because of how we dressed before.

I’ve had several boyfriends tell me they don’t want me to wear short shorts they were VERY familiar with before but my current bf may be the worst. When we go out, like parties etc, he”ll literally carry around his huge sweater to hang around me because ‘mi love show up him shoulders too much’. 

What can I do/say to get him to stop. Because I don’t think I should I change the way I dress.”

He answers:

David K 

Why? Because they don’t want other guys interested in you in the same way they were before you were together? You wearing clothing that isn’t revealing eliminates competition. 

Not sure there’s anything you could say to him unless you can somehow convince him that there is absolutely no way you will give in to any other guy who would find you interesting…

Darren A

Sorry, there’s nothing you can say really. No guy wants his girl dressing like she’s advertising property to the world.

Karl P

Essentially… Guys are attracted to girls when they wear ‘slutty’ clothing… And often talk about how hot a girl looks in certain clothing with their friends.. And one could argue that those conversations are disrespectful. When a guy now is in a serious relationship with such a girl…he may not want the same ‘sluttiness’ in her clothing being shown off to the world. Because he doesn’t want to have the idea that his girl is seen as a slut or at least showing off her body. But this is only some guys… Other guys may want to show off to the world what they have ‘got’ and what other guys can’t have.. It’s usually based on how he grew up and may not be something you can stop him from thinking that way.

Paul O

You shouldn’t change the way how you dress. If he’s your boyfriend he needs to love and appreciate you for who you are, not ask you to change to suit himself. If he can’t accept the way you dress you need to let him know that there are other guys out there that do, so it’s nothing for you to go talk to one of them. You’re not obligated to him. Do as you please.

Jay S

Well do you wear the same type of clothing when you go out without your boyfriend? If yes, me wuda pree yuh too. If not, then he shouldn’t have any problem with you wearing less when you go out since he’ll probably be around you all the time. Just let him know you’ll dress sexy for him and only him (I hope) because him alone matter.

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Been There: Your boyfriend is possibly insecure about your feelings towards him. Reassurance will help however he may also have reasons to believe that you like being seen. Personally I wouldn’t want my girl walking around showing breast, leg and thigh to everyone. It may not be that important to you, but to your boyfriend, it’s clearly a big deal. 

Let’s be real, who wants to see other men calling to their girl? Men are jealous by nature and if a guy he knows the Linstead market mentality – you know the everybody come feel up feel up – he will be very worried that his girlfriend will fall suspect to it.

Perhaps you should respect his decisions and not dress in a particular way if it offends him. He doesn’t seem to be asking for anything unreasonable. On the plus side; use it as an excuse for him to buy you clothes.

“I don’t think i should change the way I dress”. I was hoping you would have stopped that sentence at “I don’t think…” Clearly your boyfriend knows that you are hot and is afraid of getting bun. Don’t change the way you dress and I guarantee you this relationship will be over before February 14th. He seems to be a good guy, stop giving him headaches. 

Done That: I have had similar experiences. I think most women who have been ‘wifed up’ have had a similar experience. He will tell me “I love seeing you in that shorts but can you wear in it only in the house and not out”  or demand to know “where I’m going like that”  if I expose my shoulders or back, especially if I am going out without him.

I think to understand why they act in this manner is to first understand their make-up. Men are innately protective creatures and seem to think once they have made a woman their girlfriend/wife, it is an exertion of ownership and protection.

I turned to several men to understand the apparent double standard here; why would you meet me like this and now want me to change? One man told me in plain terms “Yes, the way you dressed sexy was part of what attracted me to you, but now that you are mine, I do not want another man to be drawn to you in this manner as I was, because you are mine now.”

We women also have a tendency to exert the same kind of behavior, as one man pointed out to me. He says you will meet a man who will hang with his friends a lot, but as soon as he is with you, you expect him to cut this out and I realized it was indeed true. Here it is we expect him to make changes from the way we met him, now that he is ours.

The truth is it goes to the heart of ownership and staking your claim, simple as that and it goes both ways. To make your relationship work will require mutual respect  and communication on your likes and dislikes and this ought not to be confused with subservience on the part of either the man or the woman, but compromise.