What men shouldn’t say
Madam, you have bereft me of my words,
Only my blood speaks to you
In my veins.
– Shakespeare,The Merchant of Venice, III, 2
Men often have a difficult time when attempting to speak to women, for whatever words they use, they are often misinterpreted, misconstrued, misunderstood, mistaken. No wonder the mantra of many men reads, “I am a man maligned and misunderstood.” So it’s best not to say anything at all, just keep your mouth shut.
But we all know that isn’t going to happen, as it’s impossible, impractical and imminently impolite. So even though that guy in the quote exclaimed that the lady had bereft him of all words, leaving him speechless, making his blood speak to her in his veins, even as she made his blood boil, he just held his corner and said nothing.
This may very well happen, but still, some men should be careful, cautious, cognisant of the words that they utter to women. After all, “Good words are better than bad strokes,” said Julius Caesar. And we all know that women love to hear good words.
Do they also like bad strokes? The jury is still out on that. But what we shall posit today is what men should not say to women, right after we see what these readers had to say about ‘Different types of love’.
Hi Tony,
To paraphrase Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.” As you stated, there are different types of love, including the root of all evil – the love of money. Being in love with someone could be very different from already loving them. Then there is the complex issue of loving someone but not liking them. Which brings us to tough love, where you love them so much you have to give them up, kick them out of the house, cut off support, or put their ass in jail with the aim of straightening them out. Love is not all you need, in spite of what The Beatles sang.
Aphrodite
Hello Tony,
True love is pure, but who can truly say that they love purely? Human love always comes with an overrider, a fine print, a big IF or BUT, and as you put it, conditions apply. Women lose love because the man lost his wealth. Men’s love disappear because their wives became fat and lost appeal. Human love is neither pure nor true, but depends on circumstances. It’s hard to love an ugly person. People say they love God, but only remember Him in times of strife. Where is true love?
Sandra
Whoever said “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” never felt the stinging barbs of utterances that were hurled at them by a caustic, cynical, sarcastic, antagonist. Anyone who has been cussed off in public by a loud, foul-mouthed, bad word-cussing vagabond, would never believe that quote. “Mi seh, she cuss de man until him start to cry… all tell him bout him modda.”
The Arabs have a saying, “Wound me with a sword and you hurt me for a while, but shame me with words and you hurt me forever.” That applies to people dealing with each other in everyday life. Now, to compound this, apply these words to women, who for some reason, only like to hear nice things all the time and want to be spoken to in soft, sweet, dulcet tones. This has to be consistent too, for if you say nice things 99 times, but say one bad thing one time, we all know what she’s going to remember.
It’s what you say and how you say it, so be careful what you utter and be even more careful how and where you say it. But even if you’re careful it often doesn’t matter, for the female rules of the game are different. One cardinal rule is, never say anything about a woman’s weight, no matter the tonnage.
Never ever say to a woman, “You’re fat,” even if she gains 40 pounds and is bursting at the seams and asks you, “Honey, am I getting weighty?” Never reply in the affirmative. It’s a question that will bring down a rain of hellfire and brimstone and a reign of terror if you don’t rein in your words and answer correctly. “Oh Honey, you aren’t fat, you’re just fluffy.” Fluffy, oh yes, that’s the euphemism for fat. Also, never make the mistake of asking a woman if she’s pregnant. She could just be sporting a big belly.
Another thing that men should never say to women is, “You used to be pretty.” Now, we all know that vanity is the prerogative, passion and pleasure of women. So to imply, insinuate, insist that her beauty is a thing of the past is a definite no-no. Some women are fortunate and retain their beauty, even as they grow older. But most give in to the unfortunate, unforgiving, unrelenting onslaught of age and gravity. Everything goes south. So, to tell her that her once beautiful looks are now a footnote in the annals of her history is emotional cruelty.
Here’s a strange twist, an irony that is often lost on many women who oftentimes speak of their exes without even a thought. “Oh, my ex had his bad ways, but at least he wasn’t mean.” The irony is, a man dare not speak of his ex with even a hint of a positive virtue. “Oh, my ex could cook oxtail and beans like it was manna from heaven.” Hell no, big mistake. A man must never say that to his woman.
Genes play a powerful role in our development, and women are no different and are most susceptible to the passing down of information from chromosomes of their ancestors. The only difference is that they deny it and don’t want to hear it. It’s a very old school of thought that if you look at a woman’s mother you will see what she will become in the future. If her mother is a miserable, marauding, nagging, always in your face and on your case granny-type harridan, then your future with her looks bleak.
But do not ever say it. Never utter the words, “You’re just like your mother,” or worse, skip a generation and say, “You’re acting just like your granny.” The truth, does hurt, and most women are loath to hear the truth especially when it comes from men.
Consistency can be a crime, and when it’s thrown in a woman’s face, the sentence can be everlastingly cruel. Telling her, “That’s right, there you go again, always doing that,” is an indictment on her negative consistency and should never be said by a man unless, of course, he wants to get a few verbal jabs in. But he better be prepared for the cold war.
Comparatively speaking, most women love to compare other women, but they hate to do so if it does not make her shine. So even if she asks you, “Does that girl look good?” never say yes. Only a foolish man will reply, “Yeah Honey, she really looks hot.” Never forget that ‘mirror mirror on the wall’ story from eons ago. It may be a fairy tale, but reflect on it, for women certainly love to see and compare their reflection.
After she has spent hours at the hairdresser’s, a woman feels special. A man should never exclaim to her, ‘Blow-wow, whap’n to yu hair?” But that’s a no-brainer.
But the very worst thing to say to a woman, especially if she’s being cranky and miserable, is “Hey, it’s that time of month already?!”
Well, so I get it, so I give it. Words from the experts, from the mouths of angels to my ears. Heed the warnings, and before you say the wrong things, say nothing at all. The irony, though, is that women can say anything to a man and think that it’s okay. After all, men are insensitive brutes who have no feelings. I must research what the experts say about this. More time.
seido1@hotmail.com
seido1@hotmail.com
Footnote: I like to mention issues long after the crowd has vented their opinions. I’m referring to the three West Indies Cricket teams and their success in the Under 19s, Women’s and Men’s World Cup tournaments. No country or region has ever achieved this triple, and it’s hardly likely that it will ever be repeated, even by us. But I must add my two cents to the statements made by captain Daren Sammy as he lambasted the West Indies Cricket Board in the post-match victory interview. Dirty linen should never be washed in public, plus, as Oral Tracey commented, these victories were achieved under the watch of the board, so they must be doing something right. I know that there are issues to be resolved, but bringing it to the world stage is not the correct way. Is it why that commentator said before the tournament that the West Indies Team has no brains?