You’ve asked and we’ve answered! Welcome to your weekly column ‘Planning Your Happily Ever After’ with wedding consultant Shikima Hinds. Her focus this week: The Mother-Daughter Wedding Effect

It may sound fabulous to plan a wedding, but some aspects can be very frustrating, especially for brides. Many things about weddings have changed, but one constant is the bride’s mother’s desire to be involved in the planning.

YOUR DREAMS VS YOUR MOTHER’S

With unending choices for various wedding elements, adding your mother’s thoughts to the mix can generate more complexity or it can help to put your indecisiveness at ease.

Many mothers identify as their daughters’ best friend. Indeed, some brides need their mothers’ opinion on almost everything, while others feel that their wedding is turning mom into a total control freak. Some brides appoint their mothers as surrogate planners: A trusted person to assist them with the planning process and meet with vendors when they’re unavailable, whilst others would rather not have her so intimately involved. A veritable conundrum, if ever there was!

SO, WHAT TO DO?

Mothers and daughters often fail to see eye to eye, but a bride should keep in mind that it’s her mother’s big day, too. She knows this day isn’t coming around again and may view it as her last hurrah! A bride’s mother once told me her involvement was important to her because it’s the last big thing she’ll really get to do for her daughter.

There are, too, mothers who feel that the fact that they are footing the bill gives them full say. Whether your mother is footing the wedding bill or simply excited about planning this celebration, it’s easy for parents to get caught up, especially when their names are on the invitations. Mothers tend to worry more about how everything will look to their friends and other guests. They sometimes feel the need to be better than the Joneses, and hence lose sight of what’s realistic.

Talk to your mother early about the role you’d like her to play, and gently set boundaries. Your well-intentioned mom may not even realise that her tri-weekly phone calls asking about the wedding may be a bit annoying, but shutting her out completely to maintain control is not the best solution!

Mother dearest may have stronger opinions than you initially realised, but remember that she is coming from a place of love. There is bound to be an area or two where all parties will have to compromise. I know plenty of brides whose mothers planned every last detail of their weddings. Wedding planning is all about being creative so that all sides feel as happily involved in the event. Pick your battles!

A mother’s treasure is her daughter.

— Catherine Pulsifer, writer

You’ve asked and we’ve answered! Welcome to your weekly column ‘Planning Your Happily Ever After’ with wedding consultant Shikima Hinds. Her focus this week: The Mother- Daughter Wedding Effect