You’ve asked and we’ve answered! Welcome to your weekly column ‘Planning Your Happily Ever After’ with wedding consultant Shikima Hinds.

Ghosting. This not-so-new term has also entered the lexicon of wedding planning. Yes, I know, as a bride you may not even think that you’re guilty of doing this… in your head, you’re just reaching out to the wedding vendors who interest you for information, right?

Ghosting is the term used when you send an inquiry or reach out to someone for something via email or some other electronic format and you receive a response but there is no action for a follow-through about the enquiry.

I understand that sometimes you get caught up in the excitement of being newly engaged and the planning of the wedding that you sometimes “forget” the simple courtesy of an acknowledgement, thank you or even a note to say you’ve moved on with another vendor. This is even worse after an in-person consultation meeting.

It’s difficult to expect vendors who have taken the time to answer all your questions, send proposals and designs, and do quotations but you don’t give them a quick email or text saying thank you.

I know that it’s awkward and uncomfortable to reject someone’s service, especially when you really like them and their service offerings, but it’s the polite thing to do and makes you a better person.

Don’t get me wrong, there are vendors who ghost clients as well, and that’s just as bad, or maybe even worse. I know, trust me; you don’t want to be that wedding couple and you don’t want to be that vendor.

Here’s a perfect example of the two-way ghosting — you reach out to every single vendor you like in a particular wedding category, but only 10 of them take the time to respond, but then you only communicate with three out of the 10 that you actually find affordable. Only for those other “pesky vendors” you never responded to keep following up with you about your inquiry or booking. I know it’s complicated, but I guess it’s a classic case of a “wedding client and vendor crime” here!

So here’s what to do:

1. If you don’t feel a vendor is a right fit for you, simply let them know. No explanation needed. Just advise them you’ve chosen to go in another direction and thank them for their time.

2. A professional vendor will follow up with you to find out if you are interested in working with them if they have not heard from you. These correspondences are usually a 2-4 times before they quit.

3. If you get ghosted by a vendor whom you are truly interested in, send them a follow-up and give them a timeline in which to respond. The fact is, many amazing vendors are overwhelmed without a proper system to manage enquiries.

Some vendors will ask why, it’s not because their feeling is hurt or upset. Many (like me) want to understand the reason as a means of improving their business platform by you giving them insight. Also, letting your vendor know will prevent everyone unnecessary emails and close the file once and for all.