Most dangerous is that temptation

That doth goad us on to sin

In loving virtue.

— Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

THAT temptation can be misleading as it leads us on to sin that is misguided, misread, misdirected. Far too often people are tempted, which results in sin; it happens all the time, usually with men. At times though, it’s not the sin that’s the downfall of the person but the misreading of the signs that lead to the sin.

Everyone wants pleasure in their lives, whether it be the hedonist who is in constant pursuit of pleasure or the regular person who seeks it occasionally. But for some strange reason pleasure is often associated with sin. If it feels too good, it must be a sin.

Unfortunately though, the biggest sin is misreading the intention of the person who you’d like to cohabit with. In other words, you read the signs wrong, and that’s why you have to read the room.

That’s an expression mostly used in the entertainment field, especially by comedians who depend heavily on audience feedback. They give jokes, the audience laughs. They have to be intuitive and know what jokes to give to different audiences.

You can’t give ugly-man jokes to an audience of ugly men, or man getting bun jokes to a room full of men who were cheated on by their women. You got to read the room.

By so doing you’ll be a hit; if not, you’ll bomb. In the same way, you have to read the minds, feelings, nuances of whoever you’re dealing with on the relationship level, or you’ll be in serious trouble.

Again, this usually applies to men for historically it’s the man who has to decipher what the woman really means when she speaks, for it’s a well known fact that women have a language of their own, and what a woman says and what she does are not necessarily in sync.

That’s where we’re going today, reading the room, right after we read what these folks had to say about my views on ‘It’s Christmas’.

Hi Tony,

Christmas always takes me back to days of yore when I was a little kid and the Christmas tree was lit up with pepper light bulbs of different colours, globes and tinsel hanging from every branch, then the tree was sprayed with snow from an aerosol can. There was a certain crispness in the air, streets and buildings were all decorated with lights, Christmas trees were laid out for sale in front of grocery stores, carols playing on the radio, and jonkonnu masquerades dancing in the streets. The best part was opening gifts from under the Christmas tree.

Wickham

Ontario, Canada

Hey Tony,

Christmas is definitely the best time of year, and even though I have no man, I focus on my family. I love to see my little nephews and nieces faces light up when I give them gifts. Deep down I wish that someone would make me light up too. Christmas without a man is no fun.

Carol

Reading the room is an art that is essential for the success of any entertainer. Even music selectors have got to read the room if they are to succeed in the business. If you’re selecting for a Trini crowd, you put on soca music. If it’s a hardcore Jamaican crowd you select dancehall music; and if it’s a church gathering, you play gospel music.

Skilful politicians are adept at reading the room, and know exactly what to say to different groups of people.The same applies to interacting with people on a personal level, especially when a man is dealing with a woman. He has to read the nuances, her subtleties, her whimsical gestures, her moods. She is the room that has many chambers.

Women rarely say what they mean, or mean what they say, and if the man can’t read between the lines, plus read the lines too, chapter and verse, he’s romantically illiterate. The world has many languages but the language of women is the most complex. No man has ever mastered that, no scholar, no scribe, no linguist.

“I speak Spanish, French, Sanskrit, Greek, but I’m not versed in the language of women.”

It’s often said that when a woman says no, she means maybe, and when she says maybe, she means yes. She’s definitely not going to say yes, as that would make her seem cheap, easy, available.

Imagine going out with a woman and asking her point blank, “Will you make love to me after dinner?” No self-respecting, morally upstanding woman is going to say, “Sure, yes, but let’s have dessert first.”

Instead she’ll drop subtle hints, even saying no with righteous indignation.

“Definitely not, but maybe we can have breakfast in the morning.”

“Hmm, breakfast?”

If she spends the evening looking into your eyes, hanging on to your every word, touching your arm gently and making subtle hints about how strong you look, then read that right.

No way is she going to approach you, rip off your clothes and say, “Come, let’s go to bed.” The irony is, if a woman does that, most men would comply, but might not respect her afterwards.

“Imagine, I just met her too.”

So that’s why women have to drop little hints and signals and hope that the man can read them. There’s a twist though, for some women give off all the signs of complicity — “Come get me”, “Come have me”, that come hither CFM look — but have no intention to. That could be classed as false advertising.

The smart man has to read that room too, and decipher the genuine signals from the fake before concluding that she’s just a colossal tease, a coquette who lures men but has no intention of delivering what she advertised. The sad thing is, the man can’t complain to the Consumer Affairs Commission but may have to do a lot of explaining to a judge.

“Your Honour, her lips were inviting, her hips were gyrating, her eyes were becoming.”

“You should have read the room before you made your move. Guilty as charged.”

Yes, that has got many men into serious trouble, even being charged with sexual harassment and rape, all because they failed to read the room.

This applies to married men too, as many husbands fail to read the room, only to be disappointed. It’s not every time that the wife is up to it as maybe she had a hard day, feeling tired after housework, in a bad mood, has a headache, or just has things on her mind. The man has to read all that.

If she says, “Oh, I’m so sleepy. I have to be up early in the morning,” then go and watch TV. Smart husbands have made an art of reading the room, but it’s not always about pleasure for reading the room can save people from lots of grief, or even danger.

This man told me how almost all of his friends warned him not to marry his wife because of her bad ways. They could read the room but he either couldn’t or refused to. It’s the age-old sayings of not seeing the forest for the trees and love blinding people.

It’s only in hindsight that he read the room, but it was too late then. One example was when she bought him a ticket to come to Jamaica for vacation, but she wasn’t accompanying him. Very strange, for she was a woman who was not usually generous.

It was totally out of character but, as we say here, he didn’t ketch de rake, didn’t realise the ploy. It was only in hindsight that he realised that she wanted him out of the picture so that she could carry on with her love affair.

Sometimes when people are too nice or act out of character you have to read the room, for generosity oftentimes comes with a price and, as the saying goes, “There is no free lunch”‘ There’s always something for something, always an angle, nutten fi nutten. Remember the Trojan horse and Greeks bearing gifts?

To read the room is necessary for survival. The scientists say: To read the room means to pick up on subtle, non-verbal cues of people. In practice, you become adept at noticing and responding to microaction. These might include body language, minute facial expressions, and controlled cues. The word that springs out at me is microaction. Micro, small, minute, infinitesimal, little, likkle-bit, and yet a man has to read all of these.

Gone are the days when a woman would walk by and drop her hanky, hoping that a man would pick it up and come and talk to her. Gone are the days when a woman would subtly raise an eyebrow, pout her lips seductively, blow a wispy kiss in the man’s direction, wink alluringly. Was that real, or was I watching too many old-time romance movies?

Whatever. As the wise man said, “Read the room, dude.”

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Forgiveness can be such an elusive and difficult characteristic to have, and blessed are those who can truly forgive. We often say, “I can forgive but I can’t forget.” Well, if you can’t forget then you really can’t forgive. But it’s so difficult, if not impossible when someone has done you egregious harm with no remorse then expects forgiveness after. Is true forgiveness attainable, or do the pain and scar burn so deeply that forgiveness only exists in the mind? We’ll never know, for as long as the memory remains, trust is eroded, and with no trust there is no true forgiveness. Alas, we can only try.