Dear Editor,

Recently a wonderful Christian young lady came to my office to bare her soul.

She had just celebrated her 42nd birthday and was quick to say to me that it was the most joyless of her birthdays because it suddenly dawned on her that she was approaching the end of her fertility years and she was yet to get a proposal from a man to marry her.

She did say that she had seen a lot of players but no one who was serious about getting married. As I listened to her and watched her demeanour, I saw and heard pain, anxiousness, and disappointments, and then she asked me a $1-million question that I wish I had a canned answer for: “Where have all the good men gone?”

I have pondered anew that question oft and it does seem that there is indeed a need to pause and reflect on the fact that there is a real shortage of human resource when it comes to gaining a partner. Matching and dating companies abound; there is a plethora of them. But there are a number of people out there who are hoping, waiting, praying, and watching to see if they are going to go through life lonely and alone.

I began doing some research on this issue and a few insights have emerged that are instructive. Most men, by the time they get to 40, are hitched, imprisoned, dead, or have chosen an alternative type of lifestyle. I read somewhere that there are 93 eligible men for every 50 women. This reminds me of a prophetic biblical forecast that the days would come when “seven women would be taking hold of one man” (Isaiah 4:1). The pickings are few and the game of musical chairs is running out of participants and music.

This is not just a Jamaican phenomenon, it seems to be trending universally. Pew Research Center points out that approximately 30 per cent of adults are not married, not living with a partner, or not engaged in a committed relationship. That particular research that I consulted also pointed out that “men in their twenties are more likely than women in their twenties to be romantically involved, sexually dormant, friendless, and lonely” mainly because of their exposure to social media and online porn. Little wonder then more women have resorted to lesbianism or moving in with significant others not yet ready for a commitment or marrying older men who, in many instances, have had multiple ex-wives

This trend, this social disconnect, has resulted in tragic consequences. Many of our men have committed suicide and got involved in gangs, mass shootings, and other socially deviant behaviour, all triggered by social isolation. This is an existentialist issue, a systemic problem that needs to be addressed and highlighted. The media would do well to have an open mike on this issue.

Where are all the good men gone? Many of them to war, many of them in the closet. As I pointed out to my heart-aching friends, men hardly even go out again, they stay home and watch TV, play Nintendo, watch sports, and sext.

Men are not as gregarious as they use to be a generation ago. They hardly get involved in outdoor activities, they are certainly not going to church as before, and even in schools there are 50 per cent more women than men on today’s average campus. So, as far as men are concerned, demand has outpaced supply. Therefore, when women are choosy, in the long run they end up being their own company.

Consider also that within the last four decades there are more women graduating college who are not prepared to lower their established criteria. In most cases women get higher pay, better jobs than their male counterparts, are able to buy their own homes, and live lives of comfort. This is an ego crusher for men and so they recoil into their social shells. It’s not that women can’t find men, but to find spiritual men, socially upstanding men, men who take their civic responsibility seriously, and financially viable men calls for a lot of search and re-search.

I hope ladies can find a track that leads to the good men before they become endangered species or before these women become peri-menopausal. If they don’t, there is going to be a reversal in the population, children will be few in the neighbourhood and there will be a lot of lonely, miserable singles to contend with.

What this dying world could use right now are a few good men.

Burnett L Robinson

Blpprob@aol.com