Go to, you’re a dry fool;

I’ll no more of you;

Besides, you grow dishonest.

— Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

OUCH, ouch, and double ouch! Those words in that quote must have cut to the quick. Imagine hearing that from your partner? Let’s face it though, there is no pleasant way to break up, no soft landing, no dulcet words similar to what’s said at the beginning of the relationship, even though the song by Bettye Lavette begs “Let me down easy.”

‘Let me down easy

For your love for me is gone

Let me down so easy baby,

Since you feel to stay is wrong

I know it’s all over

But the last goodbye,

Let me down easy.’

Whatever the words are, and whatever the methods may be, breaking up is a bitter pill to swallow, and most people do not take it very well. For some reason though, men with their fragile egos do not seem to handle break-ups very well, and have been known to do strange and bizarre things when dumped by their partner.

“Poor Errol hang himself from the breadfruit tree because him woman break up with him.”

Yes, it’s been known to happen, and with great frequency too, but I could never understand why someone would do anything so drastic just because their partner broke up with them. But sadly, they do.

That’s where we’ll go today, to the realm of breaking up; who does it, the methods, the why and the where, right after these responses to what I had to say about ‘Living without’.

Hi Tony,

The devastation of having to live without material things seems petty and materialistic. However when nature and age and medication are involved and men find out that they cannot rise to the occasion, then that’s a whole different story. Women, it seems, do not have this problem. They can get aroused and be ready to perform as there is nothing to rise except their libido.

Carlos

Hi Tony

Most people think that they cannot live without certain things, until those things are lost and they realise that life still goes on. It may be an item of value — such as a car or money, or even a partner — but when those things are taken away the person feels the loss a lot less as time goes by. Time has a way of making us realise what we can live without.

Winsome

Nobody likes breaking up, unless of course you’re the one doing the breaking up and you’re a cruel person. Maybe your partner was treating you badly and you really want to sever ties and get on with your life.

Sometimes the person doing the breaking up may feel badly, if they have a conscience, and feel sorry for doing the dirty deed.

“Ah bwoy. I really feel bad for breaking up with her for she’s such a nice person.”

Others can be brutal as they use the most insensitive methods to drop the hatchet, such as sending a terse text message, or over the phone.

“It’s over; I don’t want to see you again.”

“It done. Don’t call me again; I blocked you.”

That’s cold, and in this age of technology that method of breaking up occurs quite frequently. Just press the delete button, or erase or block, and instantly you broke off the relationship.

But why do people break up though? The causes are infinite, but usually it’s because a third party entered the equation. That’s right, a third wheel has emerged from over the horizon and caught the eye of one partner.

He or she cannot deal with two at one time and wishes to spend more time with the new person, so the solution is to break up. Maybe it’s on their own volition, or maybe they got an ultimatum.

“It’s either she or me, make your choice.”

Usually, when faced with a break-up the first question asked is, “Why, is there someone else?” Most times there is, for people rarely step out of a relationship unless there’s another one pending. The effect can be devastating, and as I pointed out earlier, people have been known to kill themselves because their partner broke up with them.

I could never understand that, for the old saying that there are many fish in the sea springs to mind. Or simply put, if one door shuts, a window will open, and surely if this bus leaves you another one will come along. It may arrive late, or even the next day, but it will arrive.

But some people tend to think that there is only one person on this Earth for them, and if that person leaves then that’s it, life is over.

Believe it or not, boredom is also a major factor why people break up. One partner just got bored with the other and decided to break it off.

“What a man boring! Him don’t want to do anything at all, just sleep pon de couch all day.”

Women do not accept this reason or even believe it, and question the man’s love.

“You never really loved me or cared about my feelings, that’s why you are bored with me now.”

“So, I’m boring. I hope that you find someone who can excite you.”

That being said, sometimes breaking up can be a blessing in disguise as it can free you to move on to a better life.

“I feel as if a weight lift off my shoulder. I’m glad that he broke up with me.”

What happens after the break-up though? Now that’s the question of the ages, for it differs from person to person. Some of those affected may slip into a deep depression that they never recover from, never get involved with anyone else, and despise the very thought of a future relationship. Usually this applies to women as the term, ‘Once bitten twice shy’ is most applicable.

I have known women who were dumped by their lovers and sank so deep into depression that they swore off men forever and don’t even want to hear the mention of a man ever again.

“So Barbara, you not getting involved again?”

“Don’t ever ask me that question again. Man is crosses!”

Men, on the other hand, tend to take a different approach. Well, some men do, for there are still a few idiots who act as if only one woman exists in the world, and if she leaves, his life is over.

Other men though, I daresay most men, take a different approach and play the field as if there is no tomorrow. Having now been freed of the shackles of a sour relationship he now has the freedom to pursue any and every skirt tail that he sees.

To quote Martin Luther King Jnr. “Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty I’m free at last.” That feeling of liberation can be exhilarating.

“She did me a favour when she broke up with me — now I can really have fun.”

There’s a caveat though, for this only applies if you’re still young, for after a certain age the field may seem just a bit too daunting for you to run up and down in. The rules of the game may have changed a bit, and your fitness level may not be what it used to be.

Nevertheless he can still try, and may end up with a very young lady to be his partner.

“Man, look at Peter with the young thing after his wife left him.”

“Him can manage?”

For some people, parting ways, breaking up, divorcing can be most liberating, while for others it can be devastating.

“What am I going to do, where am I going to go? He left me and now I have no one.”

That happens to a lot of women, and they never seem to be able to get another man, especially if they’re past a certain age. Just like an aircraft in take-off mode there’s a point of no return, a place of no hope, as they live in no man’s land.

Yes, break-up bounce back is for the young, for after a certain age you’re off the market and left to linger on the shelf of solitude.

‘Don’t take your love away from me,

Don’t you leave my heart in misery

If you go, I’ll be blue

Cause breaking up is hard to do.’

— Breaking Up Is Hard to Do by Neil Sedaka

It’s never easy to break up with someone, unless you’re cold-hearted and have no regard for the person’s feelings. But remember, sometimes you’re doing them a favour by breaking up, for maybe they didn’t have the courage to drop the axe but just happen to be glad that you did so.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: I’ve finished the documentary on Oliver Samuels, Call Him Oliver, but just have some fine-tuning to do. We had the launch viewing on Monday, April 6, which went well except for some audio problems from the system at the venue that resulted in low sound in some areas. Sound problems are notorious. Despite that glitch the documentary was well received with applause and laughter.

I must add, though, that there are some media people amongst us who are so filled with hatred, bad mind, and envy that they take pleasure in denigrating other people’s work. One such self-appointed media critic cursed the production, and me by extension, saying that I’m basically a poor writer, director and editor, picking out minor flaws from the one hour and 20 minutes production, saying the production is no good, despite the many accolades it got. I guarantee that you’ll love it when it’s released, watching never-before-seen clips of Oliver, plus the people on camera, and Oliver himself telling the story. Look out for it.