According to Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis theory, which dissects how the mind works, there is no need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection and affirmation.

As we approach Father’s Day, I wish to highlight our role as protectors and providers for the family. Despite the negative stereotypes and mixed messages from society about our role as head of the family, fathers are needed to raise happy, smart, and productive children.

As a father myself, I take offence regarding frequent generalisations of fathers as “worthless” and “deadbeat”. All the research findings I have come across show that now more than ever before fathers are becoming active in their children’s lives. A lot of the conflicting and negative messages or perceptions about fatherhood in Jamaica in many cases are not supported by facts. There are many good fathers in Jamaica who go the extra mile to care, protect, and provide for our children and family. The common saying that men and fathers in particular are worthless and deadbeat is simply not true and the argument should be permanently discredited and rejected by well-thinking people.

I know it is controversial to say this, but children are best served by having a father in their homes and lives with whom they can bond. I have said it many times before that mothers who have custody of their children should do all that is reasonably possible to ensure that children have relationships with their fathers. Even if the fathers are not providing financially for their children, it is best to encourage a healthy relationship between a father and his children. However, I want to make it clear that my advocating for fathers to have relationships with their children regardless of the financial contribution is in no way supporting delinquent fathers. Every father has a responsibility to financially provide for his children and the court should be asked to adjudicate on the matter if he fails to do so.

I don’t believe the relationship between a father and his children should be tied to his financial obligations and I don’t understand the law to intend for it to be that way either. Research has shown that children with high self-esteem are normally raised with a strong male presence who is not always a biological father.

The development of good self-esteem is a critical component of the holistic development of a child. A good self-esteem enables and empowers the child to think the best, expect the best, and work towards the best. A child with high self-esteem is more inclined to achieve excellence in school than a child with low self-esteem, regardless of having the same raw talent.

As we celebrate our role as head of the household, let us commit ourselves as fathers to raise our children with high self-esteem, good manners, and discipline. Within the context of being good fathers, I wish to share a few ways we can build our children’s self-esteem and self-discipline.

First, we should teach our children basic human values, such as respect, kindness, forgiveness, empathy, and common courtesies.

Second, we should constantly reaffirm our love for our children. Don’t be afraid to say I love you, my child, or give a hug, praise, or commendation. The things we take for granted matters.

Third, do not compare our children with other children. Every child differs in character traits and personal qualities. Accept each child’s uniqueness and help him/her to grow and improve.

Fourth, listen to our children and take the things that they say seriously. Oftentimes we are too busy for our children and we ignore their sufferings by regarding what they say as trite sentiments. Despite our busy lives, we must make time to listen to our children.

Fifth, we should set limits and boundaries for our children, but we must be fair, firm, and consistent. Reasonable limits and boundaries enable our children to feel safer, more secure, and able to follow rules.

Sixth, we should be positive role models for our children. The best rule we can establish for our children as fathers is to be their example. We need to lead a life of respect and decency for them to emulate.

Seventh, we should share our life stories with our children. No matter what our stories are, they are priceless and should be shared with our children. I take pleasure in sharing my journey with mental illness and childhood struggles with my children. I think personal stories connect children with life’s realities.

Eighth, we should encourage our children to read and write every day. Teach them journalling and read with them even once a week. Readers are leaders and writers are fighters.

Ninth, teach our children life skills, such as how to accept defeat and failures with patience, humility, and grace. It is important that we help our children to understand that there are times in life when they will encounter huge disappointments and setbacks.

Tenth, develop an appropriate system of disciplining our children. There are many ways to discipline our children, from withdrawal of privileges to detention. Personally, I don’t support corporal punishment; however, I am not going to quarrel with those parents who do. Every home environment has a certain context, which I can appreciate. Whatever our style of discipline is, the key objective should be to teach our children the consequences of unacceptable and inappropriate behaviour.

As fathers, we need to help change the stereotypical narratives about Jamaican men and fatherhood. We are much better than what the society portrays. Let us use this Father’s Day to start the process of changing public perception of fatherhood in Jamaica. Let us reclaim our rightful role as God’s gift to the family as head of the household.

Fatherhood begins with love. If we are to be good fathers, we must first show our children that we love them, especially our boys, who many times don’t know how to accept and appreciate manly love. Raising strong, caring, and confident children who will go on to make an impact in the world should be our greatest motivation as fathers. I am honoured to supervise over 300 strong boys at work and blessed to be the father of a smart teenage boy at home.

The world needs strong men. Men of honour, integrity, fairness, spinal tenacity, intestinal fortitude, and decency. As fathers, we must prepare our boys for such a purpose and role.

Happy Father’s Day to all our biological fathers, stepfathers, godfathers, adopted fathers, or bonus fathers! The word is always love for all good fathers.

Andre A O Wellington is Dean of discipline at Alston High School and a justice of the peace. Send comments to Jamaica Observer or

andrewellington344@yahoo.com