Dear Editor,

In school, especially at the secondary level, teenagers are often reminded, among other things, not to have any visible markings on their necks. These do not refer to a cut or a scrape, but hickeys that occur due to intense and passionate kissing.

Whenever a student comes to school with a hickey, it draws great attention and is a distraction. It raises questions of whether the student is involved in sexual activities, and if this is the case, how deeply. The student becomes the spotlight and is side-eyed by both schoolmates and teachers.

Even though there are some nonchalant students who engage in sexual activities as though they were adults, most school-aged children avoid getting hickeys — at least visible ones — to avoid punishment and humiliation.

Socio-culturally, there are certain things that are considered shameful. Having visible hickeys is like giving too much information about one’s private life. It is as if one is intruding on his or her colleagues’ private space. Nobody needs to know some intimate action occurred the previous night.

This taboo continues into adulthood and into the workplace. It is seen as uncouth behaviour. It is one of those unwritten commandments that one is expected to follow. But is it an overstretch to reprimand employees with visible marks of pleasure on their necks?

Colleen Lowe, clerk of the Houses of Parliament, is facing heavy backlash after she issued an internal memo warning employees that they would face immediate disciplinary actions if they showed up to work with hickeys. Lowe cited a clause of the Public Sector Staff Orders which mandates professional dress and appearance, emphasising that Parliament must uphold the highest standards of professionalism and decorum. However, some, including trade unionists, have labelled the position as ridiculous and an attempt to police adults’ sexual activities.

Similarly, many on social media have questioned the notion of professionalism. Is it appearance or competence that matters? Can’t certain hairstyles, make-up, or even a baby bump equally be seen as distracting?

We are all sexual beings, and sometimes engaging in intimate actions will leave marks. But should this behaviour be ignored at work? Should adults just mind their own business and focus on meeting their key performance indicators (KPIs)?

While an adult should enjoy freedom of expression, we should remember that we operate within a larger community. What would the reaction be if teachers turned up to school with hickeys daily, or if pastors showed up to church with visible intimate marks on their necks?

Oneil Madden

maddenoniel@yahoo.com