When we are born,

We cry, that we are come

To this great stage of fools.

— Shakespeare, King Lear, 4, 4

This whole issue of men crying has really stirred up controversy, so I have to go deeper. The first thing that we do when we are born is cry, as that signifies that we are alive and breathing. But as the quote above suggests, we also cry because we enter the world with all its problems, crosses, trials and tribulations, this great stage of fools.

But if that baby does not cry, it’s slapped on the bottom so that it can let out that welcome wail. I guess those who are against corporal punishment and the so-called human rights activists may soon want legislation to forbid that practice.

“Babies should not be slapped on the bottom anymore to induce crying, it’s against human rights.”

Nevertheless, that crying at birth is like music to the ears of all concerned, as it heralds the birth of a new child into this world.

After that initial veil of tears though, crying takes on another dimension and is often put into question, often abused, or withheld, and even used as a weapon. That last one is often gender-specific, for girls are allowed to shed copious tears, while boys are admonished and told to withhold theirs.

Girls are conditioned to cry at the drop of a hat, especially when dealing with the opposite sex. But boys dare not shed a tear, even when subjected to the most severe and excruciating physical or emotional pain.

Even if that little boy falls down and bloodies his knee, he’s told not to cry, but to take it like a man. It’s somewhat akin to a game, this whole crying ability, and people use it to achieve different objectives.

We’ll find out what these are right after these responses to what I had to say about ‘Generational curse’.

Tony,

Yes, this generational curse seems to be from medieval times, therefore one has to be careful how one gets involved with persons with such crudely temperamental dispositions. Yes, it could be hereditary, but the begging question to me is, could it also be of a supernatural power with its affiliation to some cult? The challenge now is, continue to appreciate the generational blessings, and yes, don’t ignore.

A Believer

Teerob,

I don’t really subscribe to the hocus pocus mumbo jumbo regarding curses, hexes and that sort of stuff. Belief kills and belief cures, I always say. But — and this is a very big but too — I can’t help noticing that some families do exhibit certain trends that are passed down through generations. Is this genetic, environmental, taught or merely coincidence? I can’t say, but it does seem to happen.

Conroy

Okay now, on to the crying game, shedding of tears, sobbing, wailing, bawling, whimpering, tearing up, weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth as in the
Bible. All these and more emanate from our tear ducts that exude that fluid that wells up in our eyes and rolls down our cheeks. For some it can be spontaneous, as some actors can do when called upon. While for others it’s different, and try as they might, they cannot shed a tear.

“Imagine, his mother died and he can’t even cry.”

They say that mankind is the only species that cries due to emotion. Crocodiles have been purported to shed tears just before they eat, but that’s as a lubricant for their eyes. Perhaps it’s tears of joy as they’re so happy to be eating, hence the term ‘crocodile tears’ — crying without any real emotion.

“Her abusive husband died and she’s crying, but that’s just crocodile tears, deep down she’s glad.”

What is crying though? By definition, ‘To shed tears, typically as an expression of distress, pain or sorrow.’ Some women cry for various reasons, while some men find it extremely difficult.

In the case of women, some have mastered the art of crying in order to get what they want, and in fact, even boys at a certain age will cry to get what they want from their mothers. They dare not take that stunt to their fathers as they’ll be admonished and told to desist.

“Stop the bawling, you want something to really cry about?!”

And thus endeth the period of males being allowed to cry.

A man I know boasts that that he never cries, even when faced with great sorrow, such as a relatives passing. But hear this now, he quietly confessed that he cried while watching The Lion King movie when a lead character died. You can’t make these things up.

But society frowns on men crying, which is unfortunate, for all that bottled up emotion can only lead to an explosion. Pressure buss pipe, they say, and no wonder so many men suffer from hypertension or simply explode after the pressure has passed its boiling point.

Even in the Bible, the shortest verse is ‘Jesus wept’ — John 11:35. That’s after He visited the tomb of His friend Lazarus, and witnessed the grief of his sisters, Mary and Martha along with other mourners.

So if Jesus could weep, why aren’t mortal men not allowed to? It’s the macho, it’s the machismo, it’s the manliness that restricts men from crying. But guess what, men do cry, and usually it involves a woman. Oh yes, there are times when even the bravest, strongest, toughest, brutish man is brought to tears by a woman.

One example is illness, for when a man sees that his woman is extremely ill and he feels powerless to alleviate her suffering, he may break down in tears. I have witnessed this, where a man, ironically a doctor too, broke down and wept uncontrollably when his woman was diagnosed with a deadly disease. In fact, she was the one consoling him. Some things are etched in my mind forever.

A man may also break down and cry when it comes to his children, for if his young child gets sick and is suffering, the biggest strongest man will break down and bawl like a baby. Nothing is wrong with that, for we are blessed with emotions.

But back to the women being the cause of the man’s weeping. A man will bawl his eyes out if he discovers that his woman is leaving him. At least some men will, as others will take it as a liberation. But those other guys will bawl if they discover that their woman is leaving or is cheating on him, or both. The irony is, womanising men will cry rivers of tears if their woman confesses to having an affair.

I have heard this from cheating wives.

“He just broke down and wept when I told him that I cheated.”

As they say, the same knife stick sheep stick goat, and what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Interestingly, men cry at movies too, like that guy and The Lion King movie, although it might not be defined as crying per se, as it’s really “just a welling up of the eyes with tears”, they say. It’s crying.

Men do get emotional during some movies, and I must confess that heart-rending movies have brought tears to my eyes. Even now I remember how this movie,
Bryan’s Song, brought tears to my eyes many years ago. It was the true story of these two football players, teammates and lifelong friends, one white, the other black, and one got stricken with a terminal disease. It was heartbreaking to watch.

Remember the song, Sad Movies Make Me Cry by Sue Thompson?

He said he had to work, so I went to the show alone,

They turned down the lights and turned the projector on,

And just as the news of the world started to begin,

I saw my darling and my best friend walk in.

When he kissed her lips I almost died

And in the middle of the colour cartoon I started to cry

Oh, oh, oh, sad movies always make me cry.

Can you imagine a man going to the movies and witnessing that scenario?

“Why yu bawling suh bredrin?”

“Sad movies make me cry.”

So as you can see, going to the movies can make people cry, although for different reasons.

But tears can be used as a weapon too, and also as a tool, for manipulation. Remember when as toddlers the girls would cry to get their own way and get what they wanted, but the boys couldn’t?

Well, the girls kept that ability and mastered it to perfection as they use it to get what they want. Even the hardest, toughest men often find it difficult to resist the tears of a woman and will do almost anything to appease her.

“When I saw her crying, my heart melted and I gave in.”

Women know this, and I have heard, “After I tried everything else and it didn’t work, I just turned on the tears.”

They have to be careful though, and use that ploy judiciously, for after a while it becomes tedious and loses its effectiveness.

“Everything suh she start bawl, that’s why I call her Cry Cry.”

A weeping woman can melt the hardest heart and many men have fallen prey to this. But women also cry for different reasons, and if they cry out of pity, then that’s demeaning to the man. That means that she’s sorry for the man, pities him, and no self-respecting man wants that.

“When I took off my clothes and stood there naked for the first time, she just started to cry.”

“You’re lucky, when I took off my clothes and stood there naked for the first time, she started to laugh.”

Different women, different reactions, but tears are effective and have held their place in the history of romance and relationships in prose, poetry, and song.

Ever since you went away

Every day is just a cloudy day

And I don’t know if it’s rain from the sky

Or tears from my eyes, falling down my face

And rolling down my cheeks.

— Dennis Brown, Written by Adam Wade

So take a good look at my face

You see my smile looks out of place

If you look closer, it’s easy to see

The tracks of my tears.

— Smokey Robinson and the Miracles.

Interestingly, those songs were written by men. So, from birth we cry and at times during our lifetime. Just don’t make it too much of a habit, or a manipulative tool or play the crying game.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Did you know that there are female misogynists, women who hate women? Well, I was recently speaking to a woman about the unfortunate incident of that man assaulting that nurse on the road captured on video. Much to my surprise, the woman who I was speaking to justified that maybe that man had a thing against nurses because he had a bad experience with one. Then she suggested that all nurses were bad and wicked. Then she launched into all female teachers, ‘who were also bad and wicked.’ Female workers weren’t spared. Not stopping, she then verbally attacked mothers of sons. It was surreal to hear this vitriol spewing from a woman against other women.