4 things a woman should know about rejection

MOST people will experience rejection at some point in their lives. For instance, you meet someone that you feel you connect with and you decide to pour into that person relationshipwise, only to realise that they don’t feel the same, you are not what they want.

If it’s a first time experience it’s probably easier to get past it, but if you find that there is a pattern of rejection in your life, it’s time to pause and assess what you might be doing wrong.

Men are used to being rejected much more than women because men are natural hunters, but a lot has changed and these days more women are getting rejected because more women are going after the men they want.

However, if you keep getting rejected in relationships, something is off; perhaps you are choosing the wrong types of men and you need to pause and deal with it before it destroys your chance of ever meeting the right person.

When you face repeated experiences of rejection, you are going to feel that you are not loved or lovable, you feel like you are not as good as the woman who the person may have chosen, and often nothing is further from the truth.

Rejection can take a major toll on your self-esteem and often leads to deep emotional wounds and wounds in your spirit that open up doors that cause you to experience other negative emotions, including depression, fear, doubt, isolation, self-pity, suicidal thoughts, people pleasing, double-mindedness, eating disorders, and emotional dependence.

Some people who have been through rejection have been so traumatised that they will do anything to avoid it again, so they become bound by fear in their attempt to protect themselves from being rejected.

Rejection is not new, people have been dealing with rejection from Bible days. In fact, in the book of Genesis, Leah felt rejected by Jacob because she knew Jacob’s true love was Rachel. So Leah felt a sense of rejection which caused her to go over the top to please Jacob because she wanted to obtain his favour. She was popping out babies one after the other in a bid to secure Jacob’s love (Genesis 29:34).

She thought that this would prove her value, her worthiness to Jacob.

This is what happens to people who feel rejected by someone they love. They are constantly trying to prove themselves worthy of that person’s love, so they will do anything to please that person.

Rejection is not always about you, sometimes there is something going on with the person you are trying to attach yourself to, which does not allow them to become attached to you. I want to share with you four things to be mindful of when it comes to experiencing rejection.

You can’t go after a man like you go after your career ambitions

If you are a go-getter, be careful. You cannot go after a man in the same way that you go after your career, dreams, and aspirations. Dreams and ambitions are accomplished through focus, discipline, consistency, having a plan, and executing it.

But whilst you can be focused with your love life, you cannot go after a man in the same way that you go after a degree or a promotion. A degree doesn’t have emotions, it can’t talk back to you, it can’t upset your feelings or tell you it doesn’t want you…but a man can.

So you are in total control when going after your career goals but not totally so in matters of the heart because there are two people with emotions involved.

Women who are achievers find it extremely difficult to accept rejection because they don’t know how to ‘lose’.

So, if they are rejected in a relationship, they are in danger of going harder at the man for longer than they really ought to because of that desire to prove to themselves that they can ‘win’ that prize, too. The sad reality, though, is that sometimes it’s not a prize, it’s a booby trap, but you are not seeing it because you are so focused on winning it.

The reality, too, is that a man who rejects you often knows he is not a prize because, sistas, men know when you deserve better. You may be a high-value woman and that man knows that he would have to significantly improve himself and his current position, and sometimes he is simply not willing or able to rise to a level that makes him comfortable enough to be with you.

You might want that man, but the truth is sometimes what we want is not what’s best for us.

See it for what it is, you were about to lower your value and God said no.

Be careful with people who are clingy

People who have had someone they love leave them for someone else often struggle with the offspring of rejection, such as insecurities and clingyness.

When a person feels that they are not good enough, because they feel that something is wrong with them why they were rejected, they can become clingy when they find someone who makes them happy.

They don’t give their partner room to breathe, it’s almost like they are hanging on for dear life because they don’t want to lose that person. This clingyness can lead to unhealthy control issues in the relationship.

The more you love on a person who has insecurities, the more clingy and insecure they can become because they cannot imagine being without this good feeling that you provide.

Sometimes loving a person with these deep-rooted rejection issues can lead to them stalking you and making your life hell if you try to walk away at some point.

If you are with someone who has issues of clingyness, encourage them to seek therapy or you could be sitting on a ticking time bomb.

Some people might run at the first sign of relationship challenges

Another symptom of rejection is that some people who have suffered rejection in a previous relationship run at the first sign of challenges in their next relationship because they don’t want to be the one who gets rejected.

Running is a method of self-preservation for them. If they think their partner is about to end things, they try to end it before their partners drop the bomb.

They do this to avoid being rejected again. It’s not that they don’t want the relationship, they probably do, but they can’t handle being rejected again so instead of fighting to save it they run. They don’t fight, they take flight. They skip town before they get booted, if you want to put it that way.

Sometimes people reject you because they don’t have the capacity to handle you

People will either attack or run from what they cannot handle, and a man in a relationship with a woman who is giving him something he does not have the capacity to handle will try to extricate himself. If you’re a progressive woman, remember that some people are comfortable at ground zero and you entering their lives and trying to get them up to level 10 doesn’t always work.

He might be attracted to your body but not your mind. So he may not be rejecting you physically, but he is rejecting you mentally and emotionally. He may also not be able to love you because he’s been hurt and has put up a mental block. Until he deals with those emotional wounds, he cannot give you what you need.

So no matter how much you do for him in the hope that it will change how he treats you, nothing changes because he does not have it to give you. They don’t have the capacity to handle what you bring. It doesn’t matter if you do better in the bedroom, it doesn’t matter if you go get a pole and dance on that thing upside down, that man won’t love you more because he just can’t love anyone! You’re praying for God to deliver him to you when you should be asking God to deliver you from him.

What you are moping over is not rejection, it’s God’s way of giving you protection.

Marie Berbick is a motivational speaker, empowerment coach, spiritual mentor, and pastor of Marie Berbick Ministries Intl based in Queens, New York. Follow her on YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok @Marie Berbick and on Facebook @RevMarie Berbick. Website: www.marieberbick.com, e-mail: marieberbick@gmail.com.