Dealing with depression during the holidays
Counsellor, I am incredibly depressed his holiday season, as this year my marriage ended, and my eldest child also moved away for college and isn’t coming home. My extended family have all migrated for the most part, and it’s just me and my youngest child, trying to navigate the season alone. I try to be happy for her, and to make the season meaningful, but it’s been so hard to keep the depression away. My ex-husband cheated and is now with a woman who has several children, and just imagining how their holidays will be, drives me crazy. I haven’t met anyone of substance yet, but I am trying. What are some tips to get through it, when you have no one?
You’re trying to navigate a new season in your life, and you want to make this holiday season meaningful for your child. Understood. With every difficulty there’s opportunity to gain new strength and knowledge even while you attempt to overcome that challenge. As it’s said, “Let no experience be wasted.” So don’t let this opportunity for learning and growth be wasted. Do what you can to perish every depressive thought. Tell yourself, “I have no time nor place for depression”.
I hope this truth can empower you: You truly have the opportunity to experience something new. While the reality of loss hits hard, do your best to douse the sense of sadness with a sense of anticipation. Combat the sense of loss with expectation for better. I suggest “standing in faith” to individuals, because it forces us to be hopeful and optimistic even in the face of loss and difficulty. Faith is optimistic! So push through your dark clouds through a display of faith in God, knowing that this holiday season you and your child do have the opportunity to make grand memories together.
What can you do together? Grow creatively and show innovation and come up with something new and exciting to do. Get in the habit of dispelling darkness! Don’t settle for “woe is me”, perish that thought and many like it. You are full of potential and opportunity, and adventure is before you. What can you do?! What will you do?! Borrow Barack Obama’s motto, “Yes we can”. You can have a merry Christmas! You can set up to have a wonderful new year when it comes.
Finding a good church family can help to provide social activity too. It usually affords safe, joyful, free holiday season activity. You really don’t have to be alone. Link with a good church, if you don’t already attend one. If you are in Kingston, there are many you can find. Hope Fellowship Church would be happy to stand with you. A church family offers a social support network. Good fun, fellowship and food are usually available at Christmas time. A good church offers safe interaction for both you and your child. You could also search out what activities are available in your area. Push through any heaviness you may feel and get up and go out! Commit to getting up! Commit to going out!
You can also determine to get involved with a charitable cause. Consider visiting a home for the elderly, a children’s home, or even a hospital. You could take gifts or invite others to go with you to be a blessing for them. This season, you have the opportunity to help someone that may be experiencing loss too. What will you do?! What can you do?!
What is clear is that you do not have time or place for depression. Life is best lived by being intentional at making good memories. Do that this season. Be intentional about making some good new memories. The season is a privilege — God sent His beloved Son to present opportunity, hope and life to those that want it. This is our privilege. Make the most of your privilege. You are alive, with a child, and you have the opportunity to pursue good things. Use the privilege and power that the season affords us, and remind yourself, “Yes I can!” – Philippians 4:13. “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.”
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
